It was just another day and just another conversation which lead to me writing this blog. It was about alcohol consumption and how anyone should not drink to a level that they cant control themselves. It shouldn’t be an affair everyone gets to see. It is better to be in control of self especially in office parties.

Why do people do that was the discussion? Especially the youth. The first thought that occurred to me is lack of freedom. I grew up with a lot of restrictions on me. So my point was when there is no freedom we abuse the privilege we get to an irreparable extent. However my friend said it was none of that, but it was about being “cool.” Drinking is “cool”, being drunk is cooler. I was taken aback by the definition of cool, as it was never any of that for me as I grew up.

I haven’t ever indulged in alcohol in my life, so that cool factor is something I can’t fathom. If someone wants to look hip by taking care of self physically, mentally or by dressing up, I understand. But abusing their bodies and barfing can be considered cool too? The inability to help oneself and being a burden on others is a wow factor? Do people today look up to someone like that? I shudder the thought of kids who live with parents so unstable.

While I was battling all these thoughts in my head with the inner me, I blurted out. My insecurity, my conditioning spat out loud. I said I agree it’s not right to do all of that but the girls/women have to be more careful as we are prone to suffer the most in a society which is male-dominated. It was then I realized how I was conditioned to think that I was weaker and vulnerable. That I was better off not doing it or worse, it was ok for the guy to do what he does.

All this came as a hard blow to me. When did I start believing this? I wasn’t like this. I didn’t grow up thinking like this, but somewhere along the way, I became this person. I felt we women have to be careful. Was I selfish or was I supporting the men here? While I believed I was just taking care of the women, in reality, I was encouraging the men.

It was a simple realization that occurred to me but the effect this will have on the society if applied to all other aspects is enormous. Women have to be careful in the dressing will be a message from a mother with love and care. Here she doesn’t mean any harm but only love for her daughter. But if there is a Son involved and is privy to this experience he will grow up thinking that it is essential for the girls to be careful and that its ok for him to be the way he is. While the mother has done nothing in this case yet, she has done a LOT of damage.

Let’s look at the scenario broadly and consider places or families where a girl child is weak or a curse. Now if we apply the same mother-daughter situation as above but with high decibel voice, a little harshness, a little frustration, and anger. Can you even imagine what is the impact of this act on the same innocent boy? Didn’t the mother here end up creating a monster in him?

So is this the right way of upbringing ? Are we being blind to the reality that giving importance to something can diminish the significance of others? What if we said its harmful to drink for both and leave it there? Wouldn’t it work without involving the gender of the kid? Won’t the kids then realize that everyone is equal and that they have to be respectful towards each other?

Who will bell the lion now? Who will be the agent of change? Where can we start? Won’t this end all the theories of gender inequality and consider about being human beings. Before any of you judge no it’s about being feminist, my heart goes out to anyone who will look at this message in that angle. You know why? It’s the conditioning of the mind to think in that direction all these years. Isn’t it time to change it anyways? Or should we repeat what we have been doing all these years?
Pretend like it never happened!

PS: I am referring to the mother here as how much ever we argue we women play a very crucial role in our kid’s life. Father does too, but the patience, the ability to multi-task, the ability to explain mostly lies with women as we are blessed with these qualities. It comes with motherhood isn’t it?