I always tell people that if we were diagnosed with mental health issues, most of us would be tested for something positive. Conditions like OCD, ADHD, or Dyslexia are some examples. We live in a country where we have a community with immense support. There are families , friends , neighbors etc (many with no boundaries!). As a result, mental health takes a back seat. The western culture approach is so radically different and therapy is a part of life. We as a Nation are catching up of course. I was walking in the park one morning and my eye fell on this piece of paper on the ground.
I glanced at it and kept walking but by the time I finished a loop of the park ,my mind stuck to that pamphlet and took me on a journey 🙂 . For the most part of my school I always read a to-let board as toilet. I consistently and continuously did this irrespective of on what building the board was!
I never spoke out or asked anyone why is that house or building called a Toilet? I never reasoned it out nor did I have the courage to talk out loud and become a laughing stock! At some point, I had an epiphany but I have no memory of when exactly. I realized it read TO-LET(woo hoo!), which has a totally different meaning. I kept asking myself,” how did I miss the hyphen” for all of the past years but I never got an answer. I buried it in the hatchet and moved on. That morning, the pamphlet resurfaced the memory and I was compelled to share it.
I am sure I had my reasons to be embarrassed as a kid. I was not comfortable being honest or vulnerable for the fear of being judged perhaps? I hope I don’t give or be a reason for anyone around me to feel the way I did. This is silly but it stayed with me which means it meant something!
Feels so good to let this cat out! What is that silly thing which is of no significance in this Universe that you are holding on to? Care to share with me or talk out loud? I promise its worth it!
I was talking to a friend a couple of weeks ago. She narrated a story about her old work place. She worked in a gas station and handled difficult customers all the time. People would be impatient. They would get mad at other customers at the gas station. Then, they would express all the anger at her as she managed the place. She was helpless and couldn’t do anything other than apologize. Yet, they would demand her to talk to her manager. She would promptly make that happen. The story is not about my friend who worked at the gas station. It is about the lady who was her boss. Let’s call her Katie. I don’t even know of her. Whenever an angry customer went and spoke to Katie she would call my friend and talk to her. Here is the twist, Katie each time there is an irate customer, calls my friend. She asked her, how are you feeling? Was it a lot? I hope you are doing fine and after listening to her completely she would then proceed to resolve the issue. This hit me like a thunderbolt.
When we are stressed no matter what causes us we usually dump it on others. Angry at work? Dump that on spouse, angry with spouse well kids can take the bait, angry at customer? There is an employee who faces it. We don’t pause for a second and think well! This is so hard for me to hear second hand. How difficult must it have been for the person who experienced it? How are they feeling? Are they ok? In most cases I am pretty convinced that we will beat ourselves up when we do a mistake. We stab ourselves repeatedly and when someone is bleeding what they need is first aid and not another stab!
I was so much in awe when I heard about what Katie did and it changed something in me. A switch that was turned on internally is how I can best explain it . I told myself to be mindful of the people I meet every day. I will strive to be a better human. I may err but next time when I do I will be aware and maybe gentle .. Give myself and others grace perhaps. As humans what we need is to be seen right .. I wish you luck with this practice too 🙂
Such a heart-touching movie. No! I am not reviewing the movie but sharing the lessons I learned from it. The movie says one person can change things in others’ lives, knowingly or unknowingly. I think we impact people unknowingly, and we may not even remotely know the depth of it. In this movie, a man’s death changes lives.
I learnt that it’s important to listen, respect others, but listen and listen and listen, because we won’t know what others are feeling or need until we truly listen.
I learnt that anger or harsh words aren’t needed to express ourselves. When we are angry, we tend to scream, as we feel the other person is far away. Since we don’t feel heard, we scream so the other person listens clearly, but in reality, we are hurting ourselves and others. I remember the saying that “anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die!”
If we are doing something, we need to do it completely or give our 100%. Skimming and doing things for the sake of it or to impress others doesn’t help anyone, not even ourselves.
We need to respect our elders and culture. Yes, as a younger generation, we may know a lot about technology, but the elders have seen life. If not for anything, we need to value and respect them for their extra time on this planet.
What others think or say doesn’t matter. It’s important to live in a way that keeps us and our loved ones happy. Materialistic things don’t take us far, but values do. Show off is vain.
Ask for help! Asking for help is the best thing we can do for ourselves and our loved ones. It’s not needed to remain strong and put up a facade, it’s okay to let the guard down and ask for help! For men especially, you can burden your partners to unburden yourselves, and they will only feel empowered and loved.
When we haven’t made a mistake, there is nothing to worry or stress about. It’s the best time to chill and relax. Sometimes, no one will believe us even if we scream at the top of our voice. Not everyone will understand us. Even God has haters, so it’s best to live life with a clear conscience. There is nothing to prove.
Being vulnerable, saying sorry, crying, being authentic is the real way of living. Arrogance won’t take us anywhere.
Always leave a person in a better space than you found them. Say goodbye fully and completely because we don’t know if there is a next time.
We are all connected in ways we will never know. We breathe the same air, we walk the same streets… we are more than we know.
I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you haven’t please watch this movie with the loved ones and the ones you don’t love at the moment because love is the only end!
The choice is mine and yours to make, To react or respond is a choice we can make, To dwell or move on is a choice we can make, To be kind or not is a choice we can make, Because the choice is mine and yours to make.
To blame or accept is a choice we can make, To protest or suppress is a choice we make, To defend or offend is a choice we can make. Because choice is mine and yours to Make.
To hold tight or let go is a choice we can make, To be sad or happy is a choice we can make, To learn or unlearn is a choice we can make, Because choice is mine and yours to make Remember, even not making a choice is a choice we make!
It was a bright sunny afternoon and I was on a walk with a friend. We didn’t want to go to a restaurant as we weren’t comfortable with all the pandemic scare around. We walked for miles and talked about everything under the sun. We finally reached a spot under the tree for final bye exchanges and to go to our respective destinations – our home.
While we were busy wrapping up I see a lady walking on the pavement and she is very old. She( I will call her Nonna from hereon) is walking straight for a moment and walks into us the next , feels dizzy and collapses on the sidewalk on her seat. All this happens in a matter of few seconds and I am in shock. I don’t know what to do and I look at my friend for help and she is equally perplexed. Nonna wasn’t hurt but she was dizzy, scared, confused and she wanted help to get back on her feet. I felt anxiety rising inside me, feeling so uncomfortable with what was happening right in front of me.
She looked into my eyes and I was feeling so helpless as she was very old and I was worried for her health and mine. I wasn’t sure what was the right thing to do, the cars stopped by to offer help, the girl from a shop close by came to offer water. Nonna kept trying to get up but just couldn’t even move and she again asked me for help to get up. She didn’t engage with anyone but me and I was so present to that and that worried me even more as I felt responsible for her. She didn’t want to be told to sit or rest and that irritated her visibly , I sensed she felt trapped by her body and us.
So many questions on my mind what if she collapses again and hurts herself , what if she is sick , what if something happens to her. Is it safe to help her etc. I then look at her face she has aged so gracefully and all the wrinkles on her face has so many stories to share, she knows what she wants and all she asked me is a little help. We lock eyes again and she tells me help! I stop ruminating, I stop listening to people around me, I don’t wait for the ambulance to reach something inside me decided to do what she wanted. I offered her my hand and she hung on to it with all that she had, she held my leg to climb up and stand. She stood up and said I want to go. I asked her to wait, the other girl offered her water, my friend found the ambulance but she walked away. Nonna said I don’t know what happened to me but she put on a straight face and started walking
The paramedics tried to talk to her she questioned who they were and responded stating I don’t need help. She refused to engage with them and she refused to soften her gaze , she was in fear but she didn’t show it for a second and walked away with all the energy she had. I stood there sighing relief, regaining my breath with a thousand thoughts swimming in my head wondering will she be ok. The paramedic confirmed he knew where she lived as he saw her just a while ago when she started her walk so he felt she will reach safely. He said we can’t help if she doesn’t want to be helped.
I don’t know who she is , I don’t know how she is but her face is in my prayers everyday. I hope Nonna is fine and safe, I hope she is living happily. I hope she doesn’t fall again in this unstable world! I hope I learn to be as strong and bold like her if I reach her age because what she did needed a different level of grit and commitment to self.
Bindu Gopinath 