I was driving across a green signal and was stuck just before the walking zone because a car ahead of me decided to drop or pick someone( guessing was an Uber) . I waited while the pedestrian crossing turned green. A middle aged man with his partner was crossing from across the road and seeing them I didn’t inch ahead as I knew I was in the wrong spot and have to wait for them to cross and I was in their space . While I waited this gentleman abused me verbally, almost banged his fist on my car fuming in Anger, he kept looking into my eyes and using profanity and I felt sad as I couldn’t help him or explain to him or make him feel any better. I haven’t heard anyone abuse me so much on my face, looking into my eyes. I made a sad face, I apologized and gestured that I am helpless but nothing calmed him. Or maybe it did and that was the reason he didn’t bang my cars hood. He crossed and I drove away.

While the other cars ahead of me moved and I along with another car just behind me moved but this man remained in my mind. I was left wondering how important is “perspective” in life.

For him rightly in his position I was that driver who jumped the signal at the nick of the moment and got caught at the pedestrian crossing so he was angry at me that he expressed it in the ways he could. He felt I was maybe a rash driver who was inconsiderate and in all fairness he is right to assume what he assumed.

Reality was I didn’t jump the signal, someone ahead of me stopped and that paused my movement. I was unhappy to be on the crossing junction as I am very particular about following rules. My reality is while I was sorry I was in the wrong spot I wasn’t actually at fault as I didn’t anticipate someone stopping ahead and causing the jam. I was wrong but my intent wasn’t what the pedestrian saw.

This incident left me feeling it is so easy for us to point fingers at others and vent out all our frustration at them because they didn’t do it right, or the way we want them to do things or they didn’t follow the rules. I am guilty of this several times in my life but how beautiful will it be to pause and understand the scenario or assume the best intent and walk away. How nice would it be to wish someone good and giving them a benefit of doubt in life. This is a lesson for me and a huge one. His face is still in front of my eyes but fortunately I didn’t get angry at him which I feel grateful for.

I wish I get to use my intellect to see perspectives of situations in life, I wish I get to be mindful of others situation in life, I wish I get to be empathetic to others, I wish I always see the glass half full.

Love and Light!

She stared at me all night,

Changing color, hue, and light,

She glowed from within and it was real,

I felt pure love flowing into me.




She taught me to remain big yet don't make noise,

She said it's ok to fade and go away,

Life is a cycle what goes around comes around,

Keep glowing even if no one is seeing.




My power is mine and I never talk

Some know of me and some don't,
It doesn't affect me if I am seen or not,

I am still here for a purpose and I play my part.




The body you own is not yours,

The thoughts that occur are not you,

The people you crave for you do not own,

Despite all that you own you leave here as dust.



Its dawn and it’s time for me to leave,

Remember that life is short here so please Live,
Don't live in fear or fret what others will think,

Just Breathe, Live and Let Live.




BG

My Bare Skin Pic

I have grown up feeling like an ugly duckling. No one ever left a stone unturned to comment on my skin color or my height. Dark was dirty and tall means how will I find a man? Everyone asked me this from friends to strangers. I carried this baggage on my shoulders all these years. I covered myself up in makeup, in products that promised a porcelain skin, I was a guinea pig for every possible product. All I wanted to prove to everyone was that I am beautiful.

What we are told as a kid becomes our limiting belief, it shapes our belief system and after that, whatever happens, we go by what our mind was told repeatedly. Some become defensive, some surrender, some gets depressed and some rebel. I had every trait in me more of a rebel growing up as a kid and defensive as an adult. I wasn’t aware of these traits while I was growing up even if my mother called me a rebel I wouldn’t understand because I didn’t know what it felt like not being one. The reality is I was protecting myself.

My journey went on for years and I loved dressing up and I still do but the makeup was an intrinsic part of my life. I would hide and cringe at the thought of how people will perceive my acne prone skin or how they will judge me(This wasn’t an assumption but an experience- we don’t take a second to comment on others weight, skin or clour do we?). I never realized that the biggest scar was inside my head and not on my skin. 

This past month I finally have realized and accepted that beauty is an inside thing and my skin isn’t my identity. I have been interacting with a lot of people over the phone and they have been very appreciative of me and they don’t even know how I look and that struck me! I have met people around me who appreciate dark skin as beautiful. Each time someone told me they will kill to have my skin tone I shrunk as I couldn’t believe my ears. Something changed, a little shift took place and I feel so liberated to share that I haven’t been applying makeup to my face and I haven’t felt this beautiful ever. I still have scars and I know they will fade. I know I am growing old and my skin will wrinkle and I am ok as I am just human.

Why did I have to share this with you? I have struggled with this insecurity inside me and wanted to share with everyone who still secretly is suffering. It isn’t easy to talk about and it not everyone understands. If you are going through any of the above I mentioned always remember people who love you won’t care about how you look and people who don’t like you do not matter.  Irrespective of what others say, there is one choice we can make- instead of covering up our faces and making others happy we can uncover our faces and make ourselves happy.

For the others who are quick to comment on others or in body shaming, just remember you are scarring someone for life, especially if it is a kid please be kind as it takes a lot of energy to fight back and stand up for ourselves.

The only person we have to face at the end of the tunnel is us. What is she/he said I know they were all bad to you but how did you treat yourself?

You are beautiful the way you are!

Love and Light

Bindu

PS: I still love makeup but for fun and not to hide behind it 🙂

I realized how blessed I am being an Indian or should I say spoilt? Living in a  country where someone is always around to attend to my needs. Be it my parents, friends, the guy at the parking ticket(this I never understood by the way), the boys/girls at the petrol bunk, the waiter who packs my leftovers happily, people to help me carry things home, someone to cook and clean my house and yada yada yada..This list can go on as I feel we live a life of luxury, I call it a princess life. So Bangalore country and India my world. I didn’t know of any world where people did things on their own(maybe I did but never experienced so!) and btw! I thought I was an independent woman living in India but in reality, I had a zillion souls helping me at every step and while I thanked them I never valued them in my opinion. The gratitude has increased many folds as I write this now as I know the value of this service/help.

Pic Courtesy – Pexels.com

You like it or not; there is no shortcut to hard work,

You like it or not; life is about ups and downs,

You like it or not, its ok not to find answers to all our questions,

You like it or not; we cant take all that money with us anywhere,

You like it or not; life is about imperfection,

You like it or not; there are no stars without a dark sky,

You like it or not; self-love is the best kind of love,

You like it or not, time heals,

You like it or not, people will judge,

You like it or not; things can change in a heartbeat,

You like it or not, life has its way of teaching us lessons,

You like it or not; nature is powerful than us,

You like it or not; health is wealth,

You like it or not; we cannot buy time,

You like it or not, life is much more than what we see,

You like it or not, the past cannot be changed,

You like it or not, future is unpredictable,

You like or not; life ends one day,

You like it or not, it’s now or never!

It was one helluva cloudy day and I was in the cab on my way to the gym. The clouds had masked me, and I was in my world. Lost. My car braked for another rider. I was on a ride share. And suddenly I felt there were hope and life around me. It was Tracey, my co-rider. Chirpy, with shoulder length shiny hair which was a mix of platinum and slightest of burgundy. She sat in the front seat and turned around to say a hi. She was over 50 I figured; her wrinkles said stories and her smile lines spoken. Her energy was unmatchable. She told the driver that she was going on a seaplane this afternoon. But the driver was lost in the GPS navigation and hence said cool and remained silent. I couldn’t let her fade away she was my sun for the moment, I asked her how long is the ride, and she jumped back with excitement. She
Said it was an hour and how she was looking forward to it. Her voice and expressions did the job.
The car again stopped for the third co-rider, and this time it was a guy. He and Tracey exchanged pleasantries, and she told him about the seaplane ride. He mirrored her excitement as he experienced it a while ago and was narrating the same to her. The driver butted in to say, aren’t you scared? She responded stating “ No! I have jumped out of a plane three times so far”. My eyes widened, and mouth fell open. That needs some guts I told myself. While I was in this mode she narrated her story and tears flowed from my eyes; I couldn’t stop myself.
She is a cancer survivor, a proud one who back in action. She made it sound like a breeze. She laughed when she said, “Luckily I didn’t lose my hair to Chemo.” We were all silent. She went on to say that her husband was diagnosed with colon cancer three months after her diagnosis. He died. She carries his ashes wherever she goes and scatters it. She is all set to live life, to travel the world and that’s her only goal. She says nothing stops her anymore.
She gave me life; she inspired me, she knocked me into being. I was very emotional, and before I could compose myself, I reached my destination so had to leave the car, the happy place. Not before I wished her a beautiful day.
My mind had so many questions brewing like, why do we wait to know the value of life? Why don’t we value time when we know there might not be a tomorrow? Why don’t we live now than think if tomorrow?
Live – Love – Laugh is the mantra she passed on to me. Wherever she is, I will always remember her. She had that magic, and she knew the value of life.
I wish you a life filled with happiness Tracey!

Kyunki Tum Hi Ho
Ab Tum Hi Ho
Zindagi Ab Tum Hi Ho from Aashiqui in 2013

or

Dil Deewana bin sajna ke maane na from Maine par kiya decades ago

Image courtesy – Google

Or any love song that we pick be it in the yesteryears or today only emphasizes how we are all made for that one person, and there is no life without them! I grew up listening to them, dreaming about them and imbibing all that they said. Aren’t movies and songs a way of hypnotizing? It seeps into our unconscious minds and occupies the space without even our knowledge. Here we are thinking why do we feel like that, why did I assume that, why did I expect that? Well! Everything we watch and read and listen to becomes a part of us. Sigh!

Also, I grew up with the belief that self-love is narcissism and it’s important to think of everyone else. If everyone around is happy, we will be satisfied. I do not remember who in particular taught me this, but this is what was told time and again. So then why will any one of us love ourselves? Isn’t that a heinous crime?

Well! No. I took years to learn this, but I want to scream this out loud today to all of you that loving one’s self is the best thing we can do for our well being. I certainly know now that until I “love” myself, I cannot love anyone else. If I don’t know what is love then how can I pass on that feeling, that compassion to anyone?

I watched a WhatsApp video by someone recently in which he beautifully explains that love is like a bank balance, you get what you deposit. I couldn’t agree more. In fact, we will always receive more than what we deposit, and it is called “interest” in the banking lingo 🙂

So are we waiting for that spouse to love us, our mother to talk to us, an old friend to be kind to us how about keeping everything aside and enjoying our own company and making ourselves the hero/heroine of our movie called life? The love in us will overflow and reach everyone around. The light in us lightens up another person’s world.

How about loving ourselves and being happy by always remembering that only we are responsible for our own lives. Not parents, not spouses, not partners, not children, not friends, not anyone or anything. We are accountable, and if we do not love ourselves then my friend you know where the issue lies isn’t it?

I am not blaming movies or songs here, am a sucker for romantic films myself but wanted to create awareness about self-love. Because love begins with self.

May there be love in abundance always!
I felt the need to insert a disclaimer here; self-love is not self-obsession:). Let’s keep this topic for some other time.