Category: Uncategorized

The Window to life

A part of my home which I have never taken for granted- the window! It’s my window to the world. Now that I work from home I hover around the window all the time , my favorite place in my home is my window because it connects me to the world , to people outside it in a way I can never explain.

I have seen so many people so far but some stuck to my memory. Like the girls who happily danced on the street because they didn’t care and because they enjoyed each other’s company.

The lady who takes her smoke break and is in Nirvana the whole time in her drag, she forgets the world around her.

The lady whose spa is closed now because of Covid and is restlessly doing everything possible to ensure people walk in. Be it the poster or trimming the plants around her small spa keeping herself busy

The garbage truck man who comes in at the same time every singe day and completes his job effortlessly that I am left wondering it is so easy!

The service man who finished his assignment and decided to sit on the sidewalk and finish his lunch and he did that while he flipped through his phone

The couples who pass by occasionally holding hands, expressing love, clicking pictures because they are lost in one another

The humans who walks his/her dog, some are so much in love with their pet and some are so much in love with their 7 inch screen they hold

The homeless man who was relentlessly cussing and flashing his middle finger at every passer by, I thought he was so bold!

Night

The sun, moon , the clouds who pass by me every single day.. reminding me that this too shall pass!

So many more.. they keep me company though they are not with me. Is that why they say do good even when no one is seeing because someone is always seeing you? You never know who is watching you, so always put on your good shoes because you might be making someone’s day somewhere!!

There may be no tomorrow!

Image : unsplash kelly-sikkema

I woke up this morning to a plethora of messages on my phone. I didnt know what was happening and dug into all my messages to learn that my best friend from college is no more. I was numb and shocked, to be clear we were rarely in touch after college. We tried to meet and let the relationship flourish but life had other plans and we grew apart. In my defense I would say Life happened and we went our ways. 
After hearing the news of his death this morning I felt nothing changed and memories are all stored in our bodies. My heart is so heavy as I feel so sad that I was in my own world for so long. This jolts me into reality that life is so short, not even our next breath is guaranteed and I have been making fancy plans on how my future will be.

I have been living and trying to balance with one leg in the boat called now and another in the boat called tomorrow. Right now,I am left wondering what is life really? birth-life and death? Thats all?  I know we will all forget this happened some day but I hope this learning stays with me till the end of my life. Events have a power to change lives and I hope this news does that for everyone whose life he touched. Abhi was a happy go lucky, mischievous guy all our college life, so strong yet so fragile and I was his friend yet his mother in many facets. I feel sad that I couldn’t bid him a bye 😥


I feel I have lived my whole life in anticipation of a better tomorrow. I am so heart broken and am here to remain myself and tell you that life is short:

if you have that friend you haven’t spoken to ,say hello!

if there is someone who you have taken for granted tell them how much you love them,

if you have been living for others then start living for yourself

if you have been living in the next moment remember there may be none.

Live like there is no tomorrow because in reality there maybe none!

Thats what I have relearned this morning. 

Live Love Laugh

Bindu

What are you hiding behind?

A new luxury brand is about to launch its lipstick range and I was mightily excited. I was so elated at the possibility of being able to own one lipstick from them and flaunt it. While I was reading details on the launch and squealing in excitement something hard struck me. Why do I need this lipstick? (I am a hoarder and have many shades with me already) How different can this brand be? then why the need?


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My instant response was I want to look nice! That color is divine and it will make me look beautiful. I asked myself, look nice for whom? My defense mechanism was immediately activated to justify stating “It is for my own eyes” and no one :). That’s how I have always ended up buying more things especially lipsticks as I have an underlying addiction towards them. I started thinking more and realized how as a kid I was told that my lips didn’t look good and I had the need to cover them up. I being the lucky one who started dancing at an age of 4, always had one lipstick around me to apply for the dance shows, a magenta as only that suits a dusky girl. It became my obsession to hide behind the lipstick’s once I started earning on my own. If I am found without them I will be damned, people will hate me was my paranoia.

Until 2 years ago I was that ways and slowly started working my way up and learned that people like me for who I am and not for the lipstick I wear. I have to be honest I still can’t live without them but I am a work in progress as I would like to say. But the stigma is so strong that I am still dabbling with it. It is so important what we say to a growing child, it’s so important to encourage them and tell them their positive qualities than the negatives. Its so important not to body shame them and not make beauty about physical looks. I lost track of my point :), it was just 2 days ago something jolted me back to reality. It struck me that each one of us is unique and is beautiful. Then why do I need to become beautiful like someone? How can any product on the shelf make me look like anyone? Whatever we do we cannot look like someone when each one of us is unique.

It is so important what we say to a growing child, it’s so important to encourage them and tell them their positive qualities than the negatives. Its so important not to body shame them and not make beauty about physical looks

It saddens me that the cosmetics industry is striving on that pulse of women, pardon me I say women because makeup is mostly used by us. I never realized that a brand can’t make me beautiful and I kept buying every brand to attain the beauty standards that were imposed on me by society, by the conditioning. I am so grateful for the Aha moment and I wanted to share it here. It is lipstick for me, have you ever thought what is that thing you hide behind than facing the reality?

Is it work? Social media likes? Pleasing people etc? Have you thought how someone else is benefiting from it while we are beating up ourselves for not being good enough? Its time you found your lipstick while I work on letting go of mine.

Love and Light,

Bindu

Life happens, you like it or not

Life happens, you like it or not

You like it or not it is yours and for you to live,

Things will change and they are meant to, you like it or not.

Live in the present,
Soak in the space around, enjoy the very moment,
Devour the food in front of you,
Laugh with the loved one,
Listen to the person across the table,
Be involved in the meeting or classroom,
Hug someone completely, enjoy the moment like it is the last because it is!

The moment right now is Unique,
We cannot recreate it,
Every moment is a gift-wrapped for us with love from the creator,
You like it or not it is for you to unwrap.
We can choose to look away, look behind or look ahead but the moment is still here,
The moment is yours and for you to live.

It’s not anyone’s loss that you didn’t enjoy the moment but yours,
You can wallow all that you want on what was done or said or happened,
You can regret what didn’t happen or happened,
You can pine for what you don’t deserve,
You can chase for what you don’t want,
For life is still happening in the now, the moment is what we lose when we are chasing the then and later.

It’s not too late, it’s now or never,
Choose to live in the now or to look at the past,
NOW will give you learnings and a lot of opportunities,
THEN will tickle your brain and remind you of what is in the past,
NOW will give you what you didn’t get in the past,
But if you are busy looking behind, you will lose what is in the front,
For it’s not past that gives what you need but the present,
Look now, look in here, look within, look around, this is life, my dear.

Life is what happens while you chase the past or dream of the future,
Life is what you are missing because you are not in the present.
You did not choose your past but you can choose your NOW,
The choice is yours, to make the change,
Enjoy it while it lasts or look behind and complain in the end.

For life is what happens in the now my friend,
NOW is a choice, choose what you want,
Breathe in deeply and soak in the NOW,
It might be good or bad or painful but it is the truth,
You can choose to run away or hide but it won’t cease to happen,
If you live in the NOW the moment will cease soon, I promise,
Because change is life and nothing is here to stay.

There is a day after night, there is a rainbow after the rain, there is summer after winter, you like it or not,
Life is what is happening now my friend, you want it or not.

The angry pedestrian

I was driving across a green signal and was stuck just before the walking zone because a car ahead of me decided to drop or pick someone( guessing was an Uber) . I waited while the pedestrian crossing turned green. A middle aged man with his partner was crossing from across the road and seeing them I didn’t inch ahead as I knew I was in the wrong spot and have to wait for them to cross and I was in their space . While I waited this gentleman abused me verbally, almost banged his fist on my car fuming in Anger, he kept looking into my eyes and using profanity and I felt sad as I couldn’t help him or explain to him or make him feel any better. I haven’t heard anyone abuse me so much on my face, looking into my eyes. I made a sad face, I apologized and gestured that I am helpless but nothing calmed him. Or maybe it did and that was the reason he didn’t bang my cars hood. He crossed and I drove away.

While the other cars ahead of me moved and I along with another car just behind me moved but this man remained in my mind. I was left wondering how important is “perspective” in life.

For him rightly in his position I was that driver who jumped the signal at the nick of the moment and got caught at the pedestrian crossing so he was angry at me that he expressed it in the ways he could. He felt I was maybe a rash driver who was inconsiderate and in all fairness he is right to assume what he assumed.

Reality was I didn’t jump the signal, someone ahead of me stopped and that paused my movement. I was unhappy to be on the crossing junction as I am very particular about following rules. My reality is while I was sorry I was in the wrong spot I wasn’t actually at fault as I didn’t anticipate someone stopping ahead and causing the jam. I was wrong but my intent wasn’t what the pedestrian saw.

This incident left me feeling it is so easy for us to point fingers at others and vent out all our frustration at them because they didn’t do it right, or the way we want them to do things or they didn’t follow the rules. I am guilty of this several times in my life but how beautiful will it be to pause and understand the scenario or assume the best intent and walk away. How nice would it be to wish someone good and giving them a benefit of doubt in life. This is a lesson for me and a huge one. His face is still in front of my eyes but fortunately I didn’t get angry at him which I feel grateful for.

I wish I get to use my intellect to see perspectives of situations in life, I wish I get to be mindful of others situation in life, I wish I get to be empathetic to others, I wish I always see the glass half full.

Love and Light!

The Moon



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She stared at me all night,

Changing color, hue, and light,

She glowed from within and it was real,

I felt pure love flowing into me.




She taught me to remain big yet don't make noise,

She said it's ok to fade and go away,

Life is a cycle what goes around comes around,

Keep glowing even if no one is seeing.




My power is mine and I never talk

Some know of me and some don't,
It doesn't affect me if I am seen or not,

I am still here for a purpose and I play my part.




The body you own is not yours,

The thoughts that occur are not you,

The people you crave for you do not own,

Despite all that you own you leave here as dust.



Its dawn and it’s time for me to leave,

Remember that life is short here so please Live,
Don't live in fear or fret what others will think,

Just Breathe, Live and Let Live.




BG

	


	


			
				


			

			
I am Beautiful!
		
	
	

		
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My Bare Skin Pic


I have grown up feeling like an ugly duckling. No one ever left a stone unturned to comment on my skin color or my height. Dark was dirty and tall means how will I find a man? Everyone asked me this from friends to strangers. I carried this baggage on my shoulders all these years. I covered myself up in makeup, in products that promised a porcelain skin, I was a guinea pig for every possible product. All I wanted to prove to everyone was that I am beautiful.


What we are told as a kid becomes our limiting belief, it shapes our belief system and after that, whatever happens, we go by what our mind was told repeatedly. Some become defensive, some surrender, some gets depressed and some rebel. I had every trait in me more of a rebel growing up as a kid and defensive as an adult. I wasn’t aware of these traits while I was growing up even if my mother called me a rebel I wouldn’t understand because I didn’t know what it felt like not being one. The reality is I was protecting myself.


My journey went on for years and I loved dressing up and I still do but the makeup was an intrinsic part of my life. I would hide and cringe at the thought of how people will perceive my acne prone skin or how they will judge me(This wasn’t an assumption but an experience- we don’t take a second to comment on others weight, skin or clour do we?). I never realized that the biggest scar was inside my head and not on my skin. 


This past month I finally have realized and accepted that beauty is an inside thing and my skin isn’t my identity. I have been interacting with a lot of people over the phone and they have been very appreciative of me and they don’t even know how I look and that struck me! I have met people around me who appreciate dark skin as beautiful. Each time someone told me they will kill to have my skin tone I shrunk as I couldn’t believe my ears. Something changed, a little shift took place and I feel so liberated to share that I haven’t been applying makeup to my face and I haven’t felt this beautiful ever. I still have scars and I know they will fade. I know I am growing old and my skin will wrinkle and I am ok as I am just human.


Why did I have to share this with you? I have struggled with this insecurity inside me and wanted to share with everyone who still secretly is suffering. It isn’t easy to talk about and it not everyone understands. If you are going through any of the above I mentioned always remember people who love you won’t care about how you look and people who don’t like you do not matter.  Irrespective of what others say, there is one choice we can make- instead of covering up our faces and making others happy we can uncover our faces and make ourselves happy.


For the others who are quick to comment on others or in body shaming, just remember you are scarring someone for life, especially if it is a kid please be kind as it takes a lot of energy to fight back and stand up for ourselves.


The only person we have to face at the end of the tunnel is us. What is she/he said I know they were all bad to you but how did you treat yourself?


You are beautiful the way you are!


Love and Light


Bindu


PS: I still love makeup but for fun and not to hide behind it 🙂

	


	


			
				


			

			
The Gas Station
		
	
	

		
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I realized how blessed I am being an Indian or should I say spoilt? Living in a  country where someone is always around to attend to my needs. Be it my parents, friends, the guy at the parking ticket(this I never understood by the way), the boys/girls at the petrol bunk, the waiter who packs my leftovers happily, people to help me carry things home, someone to cook and clean my house and yada yada yada..This list can go on as I feel we live a life of luxury, I call it a princess life. So Bangalore country and India my world. I didn’t know of any world where people did things on their own(maybe I did but never experienced so!) and btw! I thought I was an independent woman living in India but in reality, I had a zillion souls helping me at every step and while I thanked them I never valued them in my opinion. The gratitude has increased many folds as I write this now as I know the value of this service/help.




My stay in the US has been nothing less than a self-discovery journey. Talking to the walls as it’s not easy to make friends in the city where I lived. Making my own decisions, carrying my own stuff and cleaning myself etc:).


I took time to soak in the experience and it wasn’t easy, trust me anything outside the comfort zone is not easy. But like they say that is where the magic happens and I connect with that more now.




While this struggle became a part of my life what changed is one experience. One of the days after I started driving I went to the petrol bunk aka gas station to fuel my car and for my dismay, I was left in a limbo as I haven’t done this darn thing on my own. I am so used to someone asking me to park, asking me how much fuel, doing small talk and asking for my card and me zooming away happily. My mind went into a whirlwind, how does this even work, what if I pour the fuel onto myself or the next car or what if I did something stupid as I didn’t even know how to hold the pump. I parked my car at the station and took a few deep breaths as I had to do this and my car was beeping/ hungry for fuel.




I gingerly pulled my car and waited behind the guy who was busy in his autopilot mode filling the fuel as this is what they usually do and has no thinking or learning as it all comes to them naturally(well! I know they started at some point). I walked up to him and said HELP!! and narrated how I was new and didn’t know to operate etc. He smiled and helped me through the process while I did it on my own. He explained things I should know and remember always. He was kind to wait for me to finish up filling the fuel and then waved me bye. I was left happy and filled with gratitude for this BIG help he did.




I learned two things,




Our world is not the end of the world as there is more to it and the day we recognize it we will be grounded


Ask and we shall receive. I let go of my need to know things, I didn’t google, I didn’t call anyone but I just asked and there was help readily waiting for me. So asking never hurts is my next learning.




I have been off blogs as I am exploring life and myself but I wanted to share this with you all as I feel it’s my responsibility to do so.




Thank you for reading!






Love and Light


Bee

	


	


			
				


			

			
You like it or not!
		
	
	

		
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Pic Courtesy – Pexels.com


You like it or not; there is no shortcut to hard work,


You like it or not; life is about ups and downs,


You like it or not, its ok not to find answers to all our questions,


You like it or not; we cant take all that money with us anywhere,


You like it or not; life is about imperfection,


You like it or not; there are no stars without a dark sky,


You like it or not; self-love is the best kind of love,


You like it or not, time heals,


You like it or not, people will judge,


You like it or not; things can change in a heartbeat,


You like it or not, life has its way of teaching us lessons,


You like it or not; nature is powerful than us,


You like it or not; health is wealth,


You like it or not; we cannot buy time,


You like it or not, life is much more than what we see,


You like it or not, the past cannot be changed,


You like it or not, future is unpredictable,


You like or not; life ends one day,


You like it or not, it’s now or never!