Tag: awareness

What is letting go?

IMG_3528I hear everyone say let go, don’t hold on and I never understood the meaning of that. I couldn’t wrap my head around those words, I always fought back that I am not holding on! In the past year, I have learned to listen to myself clearer than I have all my life. That doesn’t mean I have arrived, I have a long way to go and I would like to call myself a work in progress. I have learned that my mind is a drama queen. She talks for the topic and against the topic in the same breath and it didn’t help me when I was alone. It was a huge battle I had to fight. I wondered is it just me? I was made to feel that I am an abnormal soul by a couple of my friends who listened to me. Then I started reading and researching as I wanted to understand more. Eckart Tolle, Oprah, Jay Shetty, Mel Robbins, Panache Desai, B K Shivani , Tony Robbins etc the list is long and it was such a relief to learn that it was not just me! But what was even better to learn is that I am one of the blessed ones as I am aware of what’s happening and awareness is the beginning of everything.

It went on until I came across  Michael Singer’s The Untethered Soul. This book has taken me by surprise. I am in awe of what I read, I haven’t re-read any para or lines or chapters like I have in his book. The best part? as usual, I received the book at the right time, right day and right second of my life.

He is now teaching me what is letting go. What we listen to is not us, when we can listen to something then that is not us and we become someone who is watching or noticing that is happening. The moment we step back and notice then we are not associated with the banter. When we have not associated magic happens as we do not react. Letting go is relaxing our bodies and breathing, the energy passes, the feeling goes away, the uneasiness disappears. The energy isn’t blocked in our body which then breeds all negativity.

He has an analogy for all that we carry he describes it as the thorn on our arm touching a nerve(I cringed at this thought). What are the options to deal with it really? Just 2. One is work around it and he describes this so beautifully. We can put a cast, change our environment, change everything around us continuously to accommodate the thorn and live with it and in this case end of the day, we are doing everything around what the thorn is dictating. It decides when we live and how or second simpler solution is letting go! removing the thorn and live life happily the way we want.

The irony is most of us choose option one to protect ourselves and live defending ourselves every second we breathe, wanting to control everything around so that we are safe. I felt the need to share this with you with the hope that if you are in the same boat as I am then this will help.

So this is how it all began,

It was a Saturday morning and I was very unwell. I woke up to comment against my name and something triggered me(my thorn- my fear). I reacted, I defended, cried foul, I fought, I ended up making the person who commented small. I kept thinking about what happened, why did I do what I did. I did not have answers but I knew that something wasn’t right. Now I know it was my way of protecting myself against all the conditioning I have gone through in my life, the limiting beliefs I have built. A painful realization that I have lived like this for so long. The best learning was that fear is a part of being human but its good to be present to it and not fight it. It’s ok to be wrong. It is never about the person who said anything its the thorn inside me which is hurting me. So it has always been about the thorn inside me.

The next time if someone is angry I hope and pray to God to give me the ability to pause and understand what is their primary emotion because anger is the secondary one and unfortunately we see just that emotion as it is on our face and loud. No one does anything to hurt us deliberately but they are fighting a war inside themselves. The primary emotion could be shame , fear, uncertainty, insecurity. Mine was shame. Something I have become aware of just now and hoping it stays with me.

Learning is an ongoing process so is self-care, the day we stop we become rusty and stink and will spiral without our own knowledge.

I wish you become aware of the demons you are fighting and let go of them and Breathe!

PS: Sorry to the person who I hurt and others who I might have hurt several times in the past, I wasn’t aware of anything. I did the best I could then.

Life should come with a label “limited time offer!”

Image Courtesy – Google

It was just another day for me, doing my mundane chores. Keeping myself busy and then a beep on my WhatsApp app shattered me. I was heartbroken to read about Sridevi’s demise. I have several reasons for this as the Diva left me with a lot of learnings. I feel unsettled; I feel uncomfortable as I am reminded that life is uncertain and death is the only certainty for us humans.

She looked gorgeous, she looked fit, she had her stardom and a happy family, and all this is what we saw or what was visible to us on social media. I know they are stars and have to keep up with the glamour world. I understand that the competition is too high and I may not even have kept up to 54 if I was her. She was very young, and all this was all too fast, I wonder how her family will come to terms with this loss. I wish her soul rests in peace .

I grew up watching her; she is one woman who has made me laugh in movies. I somehow was unknowingly connected to her I guess, though I haven’t watched all her films. Never have I made any effort to follow her on social media, yet the news was heartbreaking. I was wondering why did it hurt me?

It taught me life is short and how short no one knows. We must be prepared to embrace death any moment.

I realized I am conditioned to keep away from the subject “death”. I was always discouraged from discussing death because it is not positive. Alas!I learned that it is the only confirmed event in our life and hence has to be openly spoken about. I searched for talks on death last evening and watched them on ted.com(There are some interesting ones if you are interested)

I learned that fitness or nothing we do would guarantee a long life. I have innumerable limiting beliefs I became aware of in myself. It struck me that the only thing that matters is if we lived our life to the fullest when we breathed our last. When it is the time, we have to leave.

I became aware that we are all a spec of dust and can vanish in no time. However BIG we are in the society we are not indispensable, and life goes on.

I realized that living with the thought that we are here for a limited period might snap us out of our past(which is over) and maybe help us stop brooding over the future(which is uncertain).

I realized all I want is to be remembered as a woman who lived her life to the fullest and someone who loved her laugh lines.

I realized that yesterday is in my mind and tomorrow is again a game of the brain and all I have is just the present moment. The fact is in most cases we are fine now yet unhappy because of the thoughts we carry. All the negativity and pain are in mind.

I learned that I am running out of time and the fact is nothing can tell us how much time are we left with.

I realized rules stop us from living; society is in my mind. It’s my life, and only I can live it. Finally, I die alone.

Procrastinating will only ensure I am dead soon as time waits for none as that word stops us from living life.

Laugh out Loud – Love yourself – Live Life is the only way to be happy and the only way we can spread happiness.

Many more thoughts and realizations occurred to me in the last 24 hours. Sridevi left a message loud and clear for me, and I will always be eternally thankful to her. What if I don’t wake up tomorrow morning? Will I have regrets for things I left undone? Will I have a happy story or a sad one in my timeline when my life flashes in the last moment? So here I am making my best efforts to live now.

Do you agree that we have limited time or are you still willing to live like death doesn’t exist? Do you believe that not talking about it will evade it? If today was the last day of your life what are the things you will do? You may want to think.

I wish you a happy life!
Bindu

 

 

It’s now or never!

 

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Image courtesy- Google

I just heard the sad news about the demise of someone I know, whose laughter still rings in my ears. It got me thinking, how fragile are we. Controlled by this breath and with no control in our hands. While we believe we own everything but in reality we have nothing. Not all that we earned, not all the accolades and not even our own body. It all belongs to this earth, and we go wherever we do with nothing accompanying us. Will we carry memories I wonder? Will happy memories keep us alive up there? How I wish someone could answer this for me.If not that, I will be content to leave this planet with no regrets, is that too much to ask for I wonder?

Of late I have had this realization that we human beings are all so optimistic. We do not believe in pessimism at all. Before you analyze that statement I made, I will explain this further. We are all planning our future. What we will do next year or in the next five years, how we will settle for good in x years, how we will focus on life in x years and so on. We are busy rushing away with the present as we are looking forward to that tomorrow which may not even exist. How are we so confident then? Are we all in a kind of coma? We know we might not survive the next second yet we are ok to fight with our loved ones and sleep angry. We don’t have an expiry date yet we plan what we do after we retire. We let go of everything we have now for that tomorrow that doesn’t even exist. No one in this universe can assure us of the next moment, yet we do what we are good at, living for tomorrow. If this isn’t called optimism then what is?

The sad news, accidents, calamities, deaths shudder me. There are so many talks, messages, forwards, posts on social media which scream at us that this is the only moment yet we are in a race inside our mind and are willing to gamble all that we have for an unknown tomorrow. Does tomorrow exist? Why are we programmed this way? Why don’t we live the now and live it to the fullest being aware that tomorrow might not even be there? Why can’t we be with our loved ones to our heart’s content now? Why do we plan to live to our heart’s content “x” years from now?

Does life have a way of making us realize? I recollect reading a message in which the lord of death Yama comes to the wealthy man to take him away, and he had millions of rupees, but none of that could buy him a second. I repeat, the money couldn’t buy him even one second.

That brings to my quest, In a fragile life like ours, shouldn’t we enjoy every second of it with people we love the most? Listen to them, speak to them and love them to our heart’s content? Express all that we should now and not wait until tomorrow? Live life like there is no tomorrow? I wish we all can…

This very moment, I want you to know that you have touched my life in some way or the other, else you wouldn’t be reading this. I hope and pray that you become aware of this reality that all we have is now. Like the saying goes its now or never.

Happy Living!

Did they live happily ever after?

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Then they lived happily ever after; I loved this phrase growing up as that is how the fairy tales ended. That sentence was so positive and full of hope.For me, it meant the beginning and the end of a love story which indicates there is only happiness in the journey called life.

I grew up believing that everyone will have a person assigned to their name and then they will live happily ever after. It took years to understand how delusional that phrase was. How it could impact young minds and how it can coax them into believing that life with a partner mostly is all about happiness and all those hunky dory things.

The theory conveyed by fairy tales has been backed up by countless love stories aka movies which state the same concept in a million ways and hypnotize most into believing that the idea of happily living ever, after all, it does exist.

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So by the time one decides to date or be in a relationship the expectations are set, isn’t it? I began thinking why didn’t the author say it was a beginning of a new life and that life is all about ups and downs and it’s about tackling it together. Is it because we do not like hurdles and no one likes the truth? Well! I know it’s a fairy tale and not a reality now, yet its something we are repeatedly told in our growing years. Pardon me! No one warns us stating “don’t believe what I read out ” right? They read us stories with so much passion that we end up believing that a life like that exists.

I wonder if the naiveness to believe this phrase still exists in the kids today or will they say let’s get to the chase?
Will they end up dreaming about a life that doesn’t exist? A life which is based on fiction and doesn’t last anywhere in the world.

Is that why relationships lose their charm in days, months or years? Because we do not prepare for the reality called life? Is it possible that these stories are dictating lives of some generations?

I know daily soaps play a crucial role in the lives of many women but aren’t they a visual representation of what we read and someone’s fantasy again? Will we start outgrowing our imagination and reclaim our lives soon? Will we ever become aware of what Love is?

Jiddu Krishnamurthi questions, Is love pleasure ? or desire or remembrance? Or Is love attachment to a person, a country or an idea? He wants us to think and answer them obviously as it concerns us. The basic definition we grew up learning indicates that all the words he chose explain what love means for us.

It made me think and become aware that how we are all preconditioned as humans. On what love is and how we can define it, thanks to all that we read and watch. How we live in ignorance instead of enjoying the bliss called life? Very few are blessed to find a partner who understands this and engages in life. Have you found yours or would you like to become that partner now or would you like to live in ignorance? The choice is entirely yours. The good news here is, awareness can fix anything so alas! they lived happily ever after is possible if we take up life in our own hands by being present to it.

Wishing you love and happiness always 🙂

How not to be Mind-full! (Three simple everyday practices that help me be mindful. )

When I say the word “mindfulness,” I see people smirk or roll their eyes most times.  I am aware that their reaction is not because they find me amusing but because they don’t understand the word mindfulness. Living in the moment, being able to listen to the mind chatter and being entirely present to it is a huge task. It appears very simple. But simple is not easy.

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There are ways to create self-awareness, and these are things I have followed and continue to every day.

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Firstly, pause every 10 minutes and recollect what was the mind chattering while we were busy going about our daily lives. Make a mental note of all the points and continue with the chores. This practice can be repeated as frequently as possible in the beginning as this draws attention inwards and helps us focus on the present moment.

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Secondly, being aware of the breath can be a huge revelation trust me as we don’t like anything being repetitive.

Breathe deeply being aware of the air entering and leaving the nostrils. Deep breathing can be practiced all day for at least a few weeks. It becomes a habit eventually. We have to become aware that we are alive by the fragile breath and focus on it entirely. There are apps like calm and apple watch that can help us with mindful breathing. I prefer my body clock over the applications to avoid dependency.

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Thirdly, we should develop the art to listen and be ok with the negative self-talk, the horror stories that run inside our heads. It means we do not resist a thought but listen to it and be thankful that we are aware of all that is happening inside us. Always remember resistance makes the problem seem prominent than it is, so why not acknowledge the thought and befriend it.

I laugh at myself so many times when my mind whirls up negative thoughts as I am aware of its pattern and very well understand what can happen if I fall prey to it. Mindfulness ensures that we operate the mind and not vice-versa. Our mind can be that Robot in a Hollywood movie which captures the world and destroys everything until we realize the robot has a creator and also a remote control.

 

Being in control of life and being able to listen to all that and smile it off is a way we can remain sane with ourselves and our relationships. I have practiced all these, and it has helped me immensely hence wanted to share with all of you. The day we realize that we can control our mind unlike what it has done to us all these years we win the battle.

If we don’t take care of it, it will be gone

If we don’t take care of it , it will be gone is a dialogue that was repeated twice in the movie, Inferno .

 The line stuck to me , I have been brooding over it . No it isn’t rocket science , oh yes! All of us know about it . But the fact that we are so driven by this “movie” called life that we are on an auto pilot mode oblivious to most things .Oblivious to the food we eat , the road we take , the tasks we do , et al . We are not humans but robots who do things for the heck of it 🙂 . We eat because we have to . We socialise because it’s cool to do it , we dance because our peers do . We smoke / drink to impress others around and this is what I have been observing  . 
 
In this state how can we take care of anything? If it sustains it’s because it ought to or it will until it can . I was wondering what will happen if all of us snap out of the auto mode and nurture what we have . The world will become such a beautiful place to live in and will be filled with prosperity and happiness . All we have to do is be aware and take care of what we have . Everything ends , we end one day which we don’t realise and chase things which may not even remain with us , chase things we can’t take to our grave . We hurt , we fight without realising we are doing it . Can we actually take care of what we have ? Can we save what we have ? Can we be aware ? Can we be humans ? These questions run on my mind . My hope is we do . I hope we live every minute , every day like a new day . Love the one who matters the way we loved the day one we fell in love , talk to our family /friends like they matter the most , eat food like it is the best meal of the day , take care of ourselves and mostly create memories we can always cherish . For if we don’t take care of it , it will be gone