Tag: selfcare

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Aware love

I recently was listening to a podcast about an author who has worked with prison inmates. It was beyond my understanding when the author said that he sees people despite their henious crimes. While he passionately voiced that they are good humans behind their criminal labels. His empathy and passion for helping them was beyond the understanding of my intellect. It took a second for me to understand that, it was an Aha! Moment . It took a little while for my brain to process that what people do is beyond who they are. We are not what we do but we are much bigger than that action. What we do is an action and that doesn’t define us. It is a mindblowing concept and I wish I had learnt that eons ago. I wonder how much humility one needs to be able to see that. This thought has been thawing in the back of my mind , thanks to Oprah. 

I clicked this blurred messy image amidst a stormy hail. I felt it explains how blurred my view was!

This morning I was learning the concept of aware love and that was what brought back gushing memories about the podcast. What is that you ask? Aware love is being aware of the person and loving them sans their actions. Seeing that someone’s action is not them but merely a choice they make. Being aware of that reality and loving anyways is unconditional love. An alien concept for many of us I assume as that means being non judge-mental. Seeing through a lens of compassion and yes! We are built to see others that ways apparently!

It was a light bulb moment and I felt the need to pen this down. I wish I was able to see this and understand this concept in the early years of my life then I wonder where I would be right now? That blog for another time.

A step further doesn’t this also mean not taking what others say or do personally, that means nothing is about us? That also means no one is controlling us but our own minds and belief systems? This concept is whooshing inside my head and going through every corner and picking up everything that comes in its way. 

Aware love also means being aware of ourselves and loving ourselves despite the mistakes we make right? It has to ideally begin there I would think. The ability to see ourselves with love despite the mistakes we have made is aware love. If we can start with ourselves it will soon become a second nature for us! 

This sounds too simple – If we are able to observe situations than judge them , we hit a home run .

While doing an exercise on self awareness I realized that my observations weren’t observations but judgements. My mind has been on auto pilot mode that it doesn’t even discern the difference between the two. Saying he/she was so rude to me which is a judgement vis a vis saying he/she said harsh things changes the way the story is written. When the theme of the story changes do does the ending isn’t it? Was this the really meaning of happy ending stories that I perhaps never understood because of the shallow romantic love displayed in movies?

I wish you unconditional love, aware love! I wish you happiness in life!

PS: I am writing after a long time so please forgive my rustiness

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What is letting go?

IMG_3528I hear everyone say let go, don’t hold on and I never understood the meaning of that. I couldn’t wrap my head around those words, I always fought back that I am not holding on! In the past year, I have learned to listen to myself clearer than I have all my life. That doesn’t mean I have arrived, I have a long way to go and I would like to call myself a work in progress. I have learned that my mind is a drama queen. She talks for the topic and against the topic in the same breath and it didn’t help me when I was alone. It was a huge battle I had to fight. I wondered is it just me? I was made to feel that I am an abnormal soul by a couple of my friends who listened to me. Then I started reading and researching as I wanted to understand more. Eckart Tolle, Oprah, Jay Shetty, Mel Robbins, Panache Desai, B K Shivani , Tony Robbins etc the list is long and it was such a relief to learn that it was not just me! But what was even better to learn is that I am one of the blessed ones as I am aware of what’s happening and awareness is the beginning of everything.

It went on until I came across  Michael Singer’s The Untethered Soul. This book has taken me by surprise. I am in awe of what I read, I haven’t re-read any para or lines or chapters like I have in his book. The best part? as usual, I received the book at the right time, right day and right second of my life.

He is now teaching me what is letting go. What we listen to is not us, when we can listen to something then that is not us and we become someone who is watching or noticing that is happening. The moment we step back and notice then we are not associated with the banter. When we have not associated magic happens as we do not react. Letting go is relaxing our bodies and breathing, the energy passes, the feeling goes away, the uneasiness disappears. The energy isn’t blocked in our body which then breeds all negativity.

He has an analogy for all that we carry he describes it as the thorn on our arm touching a nerve(I cringed at this thought). What are the options to deal with it really? Just 2. One is work around it and he describes this so beautifully. We can put a cast, change our environment, change everything around us continuously to accommodate the thorn and live with it and in this case end of the day, we are doing everything around what the thorn is dictating. It decides when we live and how or second simpler solution is letting go! removing the thorn and live life happily the way we want.

The irony is most of us choose option one to protect ourselves and live defending ourselves every second we breathe, wanting to control everything around so that we are safe. I felt the need to share this with you with the hope that if you are in the same boat as I am then this will help.

So this is how it all began,

It was a Saturday morning and I was very unwell. I woke up to comment against my name and something triggered me(my thorn- my fear). I reacted, I defended, cried foul, I fought, I ended up making the person who commented small. I kept thinking about what happened, why did I do what I did. I did not have answers but I knew that something wasn’t right. Now I know it was my way of protecting myself against all the conditioning I have gone through in my life, the limiting beliefs I have built. A painful realization that I have lived like this for so long. The best learning was that fear is a part of being human but its good to be present to it and not fight it. It’s ok to be wrong. It is never about the person who said anything its the thorn inside me which is hurting me. So it has always been about the thorn inside me.

The next time if someone is angry I hope and pray to God to give me the ability to pause and understand what is their primary emotion because anger is the secondary one and unfortunately we see just that emotion as it is on our face and loud. No one does anything to hurt us deliberately but they are fighting a war inside themselves. The primary emotion could be shame , fear, uncertainty, insecurity. Mine was shame. Something I have become aware of just now and hoping it stays with me.

Learning is an ongoing process so is self-care, the day we stop we become rusty and stink and will spiral without our own knowledge.

I wish you become aware of the demons you are fighting and let go of them and Breathe!

PS: Sorry to the person who I hurt and others who I might have hurt several times in the past, I wasn’t aware of anything. I did the best I could then.