Hello There , I started writing on Facebook out of sheer passion , a passion that was harboured within me from the time I learnt to write . I started with poems which rhymes :) , i made a journal and hid it with me over years until I reached my teens to only destroy them for I felt they were silly .. I still penned down all my dark secrets, my pain , my happiness from the terrace of my home . I loved to scribble despite the fact that I had the worst handwriting on this planet(in my opinion).. I will always say thank you for technology else how will I have communicated to the world what I wanted to?
I finally created a hashtag #randomthoughts and started writing , later changed it to #mystory and realised people started liking them and began requesting me to write more .. So here I am only because of your love ,creating a blog to pen my thoughts .. I have been told by the super power that it is my purpose to keep others happy and that I have to do my bit to bring change and good. It is my personal responsibility and I hope I help one soul if not all and that will be happiness for me.
Here on this blog you will find stories that pop up in my little brain , some reviews of food as I believe food is us as we are made of food and few random thoughts :) , that word doesn't go away from me however I try .
While I am not writing or procrastinating to write I love to meditate, Enjoy learning about our body, cooking ,fitness and reading. I am a hopeless dreamer , love to eat and travel , believe music is life and love to laugh(giggle is appropriate) ..
I always tell people that if we were diagnosed with mental health issues, most of us would be tested for something positive. Conditions like OCD, ADHD, or Dyslexia are some examples. We live in a country where we have a community with immense support. There are families , friends , neighbors etc (many with no boundaries!). As a result, mental health takes a back seat. The western culture approach is so radically different and therapy is a part of life. We as a Nation are catching up of course. I was walking in the park one morning and my eye fell on this piece of paper on the ground.
I glanced at it and kept walking but by the time I finished a loop of the park ,my mind stuck to that pamphlet and took me on a journey 🙂 . For the most part of my school I always read a to-let board as toilet. I consistently and continuously did this irrespective of on what building the board was!
I never spoke out or asked anyone why is that house or building called a Toilet? I never reasoned it out nor did I have the courage to talk out loud and become a laughing stock! At some point, I had an epiphany but I have no memory of when exactly. I realized it read TO-LET(woo hoo!), which has a totally different meaning. I kept asking myself,” how did I miss the hyphen” for all of the past years but I never got an answer. I buried it in the hatchet and moved on. That morning, the pamphlet resurfaced the memory and I was compelled to share it.
I am sure I had my reasons to be embarrassed as a kid. I was not comfortable being honest or vulnerable for the fear of being judged perhaps? I hope I don’t give or be a reason for anyone around me to feel the way I did. This is silly but it stayed with me which means it meant something!
Feels so good to let this cat out! What is that silly thing which is of no significance in this Universe that you are holding on to? Care to share with me or talk out loud? I promise its worth it!
I have had allergies since the age of 9, if I recall correctly. I have lived on antihistamines for most of my life. The medicine I used to take when I was a kid was banned in India. It was discontinued decades ago. I became aware of this Ayurveda process called Nasyam about 8 years ago. I tried it once, but with the wrong person. What happened after that was PTSD. I was in distress the whole day. I felt the ghee had seeped into my brain. I had no respite. To cut a long story short, it was a nightmare!
This time, I decided to get Nasyam done at an Ayurveda center. I was very scared. I went in with a lot of fear. Before I say more about the process I underwent, I would like to describe my allergy symptoms. It’s sneezes that can be like Diwali crackers or a big rocket. Watering/itching eyes plus itchy/runny nose. I had figured out a suppression mechanism that worked out when, but my life was on a standstill for that day or couple of days 😦 ..
I would take a drowsy antihistamine, eat chocolate, and junk food. I would consume anything I wouldn’t eat on a normal day. This helps me stuff away my discomfort. Eventually, I fall asleep thanks to the tablet. This has been my life for decades!
Let’s get back to the Nasyam process.
Step 1: They massaged oil on my face and opened up my sinuses via the massage.
Step 2: I had to steam with water that had an Ayurvedic oil (smells a little like Vicks).
Step 3: I lay down with a tilted head. My therapist would administer 3 to 4 drops of Nasyam, aka Anutailam, into my nostrils. She would massage my nose and make sure the ghee was inside my nasal cavity. I was then asked to inhale it deeply.
Step 4: They burn a stick (Dhoomam, which looks like sage). She asked me to inhale the smoke from my nose. Then, exhale via my mouth for each nostril. That hit badly, and I coughed like I was on fire :). I was left wondering why do people really smoke 😀
Step 5: Gargle with salt water to spit out excess phlegm (sorry, this is gross).
I had to follow a diet which excluded cold food in terms of temperature. It was also based on the way Ayurveda describes food (Prakrithis). I couldn’t wash my hair that day, and also bland warm foods had to be consumed.
I did this for 7 days each morning and I must say the first thing I noticed was my skin was feeling softer ;). Jokes apart, I went through hell for the first 4 to 5 days. I had severe allergies; like my hubby said, I paid money to get sick. I suffered and maybe used up to 2 boxes of tissues each day! I was not great company to be around. I had to be clean(I realize I sound like an addict ;)) .This means no more meds, no eating all that junk, and no sleeping off. This was the worst few days of my year!
In this phase of my life I realize the only way out of anything is through it. I stayed strong because of this belief, I guess. My family struggled to see me suffer; they were in pain clearly. They gave advice to stop the treatment. They suggested getting an allopathy consultation. They even said it’s okay to eat what you like. They doled everything my way. I had to finally tell them I know you love me, but I need support and not ways to quit! I stuck to the regime and even after 7 days some mornings I woke up with sniffles.
I don’t know if my allergies have vanished. I feel hopeful that there is something ahead in life. I am stronger than the day I started the process. This process tested my grit, commitment, and also helped me get clarity in my brain. I feel my brain quietened a little and it made space for a growth mindset.
I feel this is something I will do every year to cleanse my sinuses and brain. I am starting to feel it’s worth the effort. I also feel if someone has no severe allergies like me, then they will not suffer the way I did. I went to Google to read about the experiences of others who have undergone this. I didn’t find any, so here I am typing away. If you have any questions or encouragement, I am here.
I wish you the best in your journey!
Love
Bindu
ps: If you have an option to do this process in a proper retreat, then please do that. This way your family won’t see you suffer and no one has to deal with managing the special diet!
I was talking to a friend a couple of weeks ago. She narrated a story about her old work place. She worked in a gas station and handled difficult customers all the time. People would be impatient. They would get mad at other customers at the gas station. Then, they would express all the anger at her as she managed the place. She was helpless and couldn’t do anything other than apologize. Yet, they would demand her to talk to her manager. She would promptly make that happen. The story is not about my friend who worked at the gas station. It is about the lady who was her boss. Let’s call her Katie. I don’t even know of her. Whenever an angry customer went and spoke to Katie she would call my friend and talk to her. Here is the twist, Katie each time there is an irate customer, calls my friend. She asked her, how are you feeling? Was it a lot? I hope you are doing fine and after listening to her completely she would then proceed to resolve the issue. This hit me like a thunderbolt.
When we are stressed no matter what causes us we usually dump it on others. Angry at work? Dump that on spouse, angry with spouse well kids can take the bait, angry at customer? There is an employee who faces it. We don’t pause for a second and think well! This is so hard for me to hear second hand. How difficult must it have been for the person who experienced it? How are they feeling? Are they ok? In most cases I am pretty convinced that we will beat ourselves up when we do a mistake. We stab ourselves repeatedly and when someone is bleeding what they need is first aid and not another stab!
I was so much in awe when I heard about what Katie did and it changed something in me. A switch that was turned on internally is how I can best explain it . I told myself to be mindful of the people I meet every day. I will strive to be a better human. I may err but next time when I do I will be aware and maybe gentle .. Give myself and others grace perhaps. As humans what we need is to be seen right .. I wish you luck with this practice too 🙂
What do we actually do when someone hurts us? We chase them asking them for the “why”, ask the Universe “why me” , replay the scene a million times in loop if we are an over thinker perhaps? Blame the other person for all the fault so that we don’t have to take accountability for anything? Play victim maybe? Ok I personally am good at shutting down too 🙂 . So many ways to deal with hurt and I am sure there are hundred more ways I am yet to discover .I guess you get the gist of where I am coming from. And this is exactly what I have done and I have seen people around me do growing up as a kid and as an adult now. It’s a drill , I mean aren’t we all preprogrammed to follow the drill?
I have lived in the same loop or ways for all my life and also have witnessed my loved ones suffer in their own creative ways because of a hurt. However that flipped for me as I had an aha moment and the whole credit goes to Social Media (the evil one of course 🙂 ). I was fortunate to stumble upon a video which had an amazing story. What do we do if we are bit by a snake? Do we chase the snake for miles, blame it, fight it and die or do we chose to go to a doctor and get ourselves healed? the latter for most people I assume. Then why do we actually run around and chase the people who hurt us ? Is it because they are people? or because we don’t know what the overthinking, stress, anger, blame is doing to our own bodies? I cannot fathom the damage the negative toxic thoughts must have done to the cells in my body for so many years.
This was a pic while I was in NYC. I don’t know why I chose this image for this blog.
Here, I learnt that when I am hurt the first thing I should do is look within and see how I am feeling? what is happening and why did I feel that way? what was really happening and all this as an “observer”. Yes! Observer the word you would have heard from millions of gurus, therapists , books etc ..
I choose to become an observer when I am hurt and see what is playing out in my body and what is the story my mind is weaving. It has been a mind blowing revelation. It is so soothing and loving for myself, I feel seen and heard and in that light I am also able to see the other person for who they are. This is a practise and I have just begun my journey. I am working on making this a way of my life. I was hoping this learning of mine will help someone out there to be able to move on in their life and heal themselves from all the pain they have been holding on to. Instead of getting angry ,resentful and hoping the anger in us will hurt others just experience the anger and see it, label it, process it and release it. It has reduced the weight on my shoulders and I am truly lighter than how I was yesterday. All this because loving ourselves is the only way of life!!
I believe if I can do it so can others. I think the only way to do this is through continuous practise!
Such a heart-touching movie. No! I am not reviewing the movie but sharing the lessons I learned from it. The movie says one person can change things in others’ lives, knowingly or unknowingly. I think we impact people unknowingly, and we may not even remotely know the depth of it. In this movie, a man’s death changes lives.
I learnt that it’s important to listen, respect others, but listen and listen and listen, because we won’t know what others are feeling or need until we truly listen.
I learnt that anger or harsh words aren’t needed to express ourselves. When we are angry, we tend to scream, as we feel the other person is far away. Since we don’t feel heard, we scream so the other person listens clearly, but in reality, we are hurting ourselves and others. I remember the saying that “anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die!”
If we are doing something, we need to do it completely or give our 100%. Skimming and doing things for the sake of it or to impress others doesn’t help anyone, not even ourselves.
We need to respect our elders and culture. Yes, as a younger generation, we may know a lot about technology, but the elders have seen life. If not for anything, we need to value and respect them for their extra time on this planet.
What others think or say doesn’t matter. It’s important to live in a way that keeps us and our loved ones happy. Materialistic things don’t take us far, but values do. Show off is vain.
Ask for help! Asking for help is the best thing we can do for ourselves and our loved ones. It’s not needed to remain strong and put up a facade, it’s okay to let the guard down and ask for help! For men especially, you can burden your partners to unburden yourselves, and they will only feel empowered and loved.
When we haven’t made a mistake, there is nothing to worry or stress about. It’s the best time to chill and relax. Sometimes, no one will believe us even if we scream at the top of our voice. Not everyone will understand us. Even God has haters, so it’s best to live life with a clear conscience. There is nothing to prove.
Being vulnerable, saying sorry, crying, being authentic is the real way of living. Arrogance won’t take us anywhere.
Always leave a person in a better space than you found them. Say goodbye fully and completely because we don’t know if there is a next time.
We are all connected in ways we will never know. We breathe the same air, we walk the same streets… we are more than we know.
I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you haven’t please watch this movie with the loved ones and the ones you don’t love at the moment because love is the only end!
I recently was listening to a podcast about an author who has worked with prison inmates. It was beyond my understanding when the author said that he sees people despite their henious crimes. While he passionately voiced that they are good humans behind their criminal labels. His empathy and passion for helping them was beyond the understanding of my intellect. It took a second for me to understand that, it was an Aha! Moment . It took a little while for my brain to process that what people do is beyond who they are. We are not what we do but we are much bigger than that action. What we do is an action and that doesn’t define us. It is a mindblowing concept and I wish I had learnt that eons ago. I wonder how much humility one needs to be able to see that. This thought has been thawing in the back of my mind , thanks to Oprah.
I clicked this blurred messy image amidst a stormy hail. I felt it explains how blurred my view was!
This morning I was learning the concept of aware love and that was what brought back gushing memories about the podcast. What is that you ask? Aware love is being aware of the person and loving them sans their actions. Seeing that someone’s action is not them but merely a choice they make. Being aware of that reality and loving anyways is unconditional love. An alien concept for many of us I assume as that means being non judge-mental. Seeing through a lens of compassion and yes! We are built to see others that ways apparently!
It was a light bulb moment and I felt the need to pen this down. I wish I was able to see this and understand this concept in the early years of my life then I wonder where I would be right now? That blog for another time.
A step further doesn’t this also mean not taking what others say or do personally, that means nothing is about us? That also means no one is controlling us but our own minds and belief systems? This concept is whooshing inside my head and going through every corner and picking up everything that comes in its way.
Aware love also means being aware of ourselves and loving ourselves despite the mistakes we make right? It has to ideally begin there I would think. The ability to see ourselves with love despite the mistakes we have made is aware love. If we can start with ourselves it will soon become a second nature for us!
This sounds too simple – If we are able to observe situations than judge them , we hit a home run .
While doing an exercise on self awareness I realized that my observations weren’t observations but judgements. My mind has been on auto pilot mode that it doesn’t even discern the difference between the two. Saying he/she was so rude to me which is a judgement vis a vis saying he/she said harsh things changes the way the story is written. When the theme of the story changes do does the ending isn’t it? Was this the really meaning of happy ending stories that I perhaps never understood because of the shallow romantic love displayed in movies?
I wish you unconditional love, aware love! I wish you happiness in life!
PS: I am writing after a long time so please forgive my rustiness
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I set out to explore Maui with trepidation as a lot was happening in the world and the last thing I want to do is suffer for being adventurous(needy of some Sun and positive energy). I happened to speak to a client at Hawai, and he prompted, now is the time if you want to be here; the island is serene and not crowded, unlike every year. At this time of the year, Hawai attracts 40k travelers per day, and it is 8K now, he said, and that piqued my interests. Two of my friends were already headed to Maui, so that added the spring to my decision. Booking a place on Airbnb was easy breezy, and so were the flight tickets. I chose to fly Alaska Airways.
What was missing was information or alerts, which told me things I had to keep in mind before traveling apart from wearing masks and carrying sanitizers. Like the COVID 19 test was mandatory and had to be done 72 hours before landing at Hawai, failing which one has to do a compulsory quarantine for 14 days. Once you know this, it’s a sigh of relief as that sounds pretty simple. Well, not really!
I received an email from the airlines about the prerequisites and that the COVID test was mandatory. The Caveat being the test results were accepted only from centers approved by the govt of Hawaii. Click here for info https://hawaiicovid19.com/travel-partners/.
A few tips to avoid stress:
Please schedule a COVID test appointment asap and do not repeat the mistake I made, waiting to book a slot as it was to be completed 72 hours in advance. The COVID test places in the approved list were booked out for over ten days when I checked in November and panicked! I called over 8 locations, and the others didn’t even pick my calls. I finally had to request(plead) for help, and one of the Bartell Drug locations took me in and was very helpful.
You have to update the trip on this APP, including your flight details and other info.
You have to fill in the Health questionnaire 24 hours before your flight.
You have to upload the COVID test result in the Document section, and the APP generates the QR code, which has to be handy to gain entry at Maui(Hawai)
When you land in Maui, there is a help desk set before you reach the baggage claim. They check your QR code, make necessary entries, and let you into the baggage claim area with a pink slip(pun unintended).Please keep the pink receipt handy as it has to be shown at the rental car agency in case you need to rent a car.
Everything was worth it, and I breathed easily as I exited the car rentals! The views and the energy of this place are DIVINE. While I am looking into the horizon, I hope this blog was useful. I wanted to share what I learned and ensure you I spare you the pain!
The choice is mine and yours to make, To react or respond is a choice we can make, To dwell or move on is a choice we can make, To be kind or not is a choice we can make, Because the choice is mine and yours to make.
To blame or accept is a choice we can make, To protest or suppress is a choice we make, To defend or offend is a choice we can make. Because choice is mine and yours to Make.
To hold tight or let go is a choice we can make, To be sad or happy is a choice we can make, To learn or unlearn is a choice we can make, Because choice is mine and yours to make Remember, even not making a choice is a choice we make!
It was a bright sunny afternoon and I was on a walk with a friend. We didn’t want to go to a restaurant as we weren’t comfortable with all the pandemic scare around. We walked for miles and talked about everything under the sun. We finally reached a spot under the tree for final bye exchanges and to go to our respective destinations – our home.
While we were busy wrapping up I see a lady walking on the pavement and she is very old. She( I will call her Nonna from hereon) is walking straight for a moment and walks into us the next , feels dizzy and collapses on the sidewalk on her seat. All this happens in a matter of few seconds and I am in shock. I don’t know what to do and I look at my friend for help and she is equally perplexed. Nonna wasn’t hurt but she was dizzy, scared, confused and she wanted help to get back on her feet. I felt anxiety rising inside me, feeling so uncomfortable with what was happening right in front of me.
She looked into my eyes and I was feeling so helpless as she was very old and I was worried for her health and mine. I wasn’t sure what was the right thing to do, the cars stopped by to offer help, the girl from a shop close by came to offer water. Nonna kept trying to get up but just couldn’t even move and she again asked me for help to get up. She didn’t engage with anyone but me and I was so present to that and that worried me even more as I felt responsible for her. She didn’t want to be told to sit or rest and that irritated her visibly , I sensed she felt trapped by her body and us.
So many questions on my mind what if she collapses again and hurts herself , what if she is sick , what if something happens to her. Is it safe to help her etc. I then look at her face she has aged so gracefully and all the wrinkles on her face has so many stories to share, she knows what she wants and all she asked me is a little help. We lock eyes again and she tells me help! I stop ruminating, I stop listening to people around me, I don’t wait for the ambulance to reach something inside me decided to do what she wanted. I offered her my hand and she hung on to it with all that she had, she held my leg to climb up and stand. She stood up and said I want to go. I asked her to wait, the other girl offered her water, my friend found the ambulance but she walked away. Nonna said I don’t know what happened to me but she put on a straight face and started walking
The paramedics tried to talk to her she questioned who they were and responded stating I don’t need help. She refused to engage with them and she refused to soften her gaze , she was in fear but she didn’t show it for a second and walked away with all the energy she had. I stood there sighing relief, regaining my breath with a thousand thoughts swimming in my head wondering will she be ok. The paramedic confirmed he knew where she lived as he saw her just a while ago when she started her walk so he felt she will reach safely. He said we can’t help if she doesn’t want to be helped.
I don’t know who she is , I don’t know how she is but her face is in my prayers everyday. I hope Nonna is fine and safe, I hope she is living happily. I hope she doesn’t fall again in this unstable world! I hope I learn to be as strong and bold like her if I reach her age because what she did needed a different level of grit and commitment to self.
Bindu Gopinath 