It was one helluva cloudy day and I was in the cab on my way to the gym. The clouds had masked me, and I was in my world. Lost. My car braked for another rider. I was on a ride share. And suddenly I felt there were hope and life around me. It was Tracey, my co-rider. Chirpy, with shoulder length shiny hair which was a mix of platinum and slightest of burgundy. She sat in the front seat and turned around to say a hi. She was over 50 I figured; her wrinkles said stories and her smile lines spoken. Her energy was unmatchable. She told the driver that she was going on a seaplane this afternoon. But the driver was lost in the GPS navigation and hence said cool and remained silent. I couldn’t let her fade away she was my sun for the moment, I asked her how long is the ride, and she jumped back with excitement. She
Said it was an hour and how she was looking forward to it. Her voice and expressions did the job.
The car again stopped for the third co-rider, and this time it was a guy. He and Tracey exchanged pleasantries, and she told him about the seaplane ride. He mirrored her excitement as he experienced it a while ago and was narrating the same to her. The driver butted in to say, aren’t you scared? She responded stating “ No! I have jumped out of a plane three times so far”. My eyes widened, and mouth fell open. That needs some guts I told myself. While I was in this mode she narrated her story and tears flowed from my eyes; I couldn’t stop myself.
She is a cancer survivor, a proud one who back in action. She made it sound like a breeze. She laughed when she said, “Luckily I didn’t lose my hair to Chemo.” We were all silent. She went on to say that her husband was diagnosed with colon cancer three months after her diagnosis. He died. She carries his ashes wherever she goes and scatters it. She is all set to live life, to travel the world and that’s her only goal. She says nothing stops her anymore.
She gave me life; she inspired me, she knocked me into being. I was very emotional, and before I could compose myself, I reached my destination so had to leave the car, the happy place. Not before I wished her a beautiful day.
My mind had so many questions brewing like, why do we wait to know the value of life? Why don’t we value time when we know there might not be a tomorrow? Why don’t we live now than think if tomorrow?
Live – Love – Laugh is the mantra she passed on to me. Wherever she is, I will always remember her. She had that magic, and she knew the value of life.
I wish you a life filled with happiness Tracey!
Author: bindugopinath
Hello There , I started writing on Facebook out of sheer passion , a passion that was harboured within me from the time I learnt to write . I started with poems which rhymes :) , i made a journal and hid it with me over years until I reached my teens to only destroy them for I felt they were silly .. I still penned down all my dark secrets, my pain , my happiness from the terrace of my home . I loved to scribble despite the fact that I had the worst handwriting on this planet(in my opinion).. I will always say thank you for technology else how will I have communicated to the world what I wanted to?
I finally created a hashtag #randomthoughts and started writing , later changed it to #mystory and realised people started liking them and began requesting me to write more .. So here I am only because of your love ,creating a blog to pen my thoughts .. I have been told by the super power that it is my purpose to keep others happy and that I have to do my bit to bring change and good. It is my personal responsibility and I hope I help one soul if not all and that will be happiness for me.
Here on this blog you will find stories that pop up in my little brain , some reviews of food as I believe food is us as we are made of food and few random thoughts :) , that word doesn't go away from me however I try .
While I am not writing or procrastinating to write I love to meditate, Enjoy learning about our body, cooking ,fitness and reading. I am a hopeless dreamer , love to eat and travel , believe music is life and love to laugh(giggle is appropriate) ..
Do you love what you do?
Work is worship is a saying I have grown up listening. I wonder if that implies that worship means “love and passion” too? In this world where most of us are operating in an autopilot mode where we don’t even know how we reached our destination, do we pause to think what passion means for us? Do we love what we do is the question?
If you don’t love what you do, you won’t do it with much conviction or passion is a quote by Mia Hamm.
A research says happy employees are more productive . Happiness is what we all look for in life .So I got on to search for my answers to questions like did I love my previous jobs? I did well, and I am confident that my past employers will hire me back but the question remains was that my passion?If yes, then why am I not with them anymore?
While all these thoughts were running on my mind, I stumbled upon a YouTube video of one of the mini-celebrity(mc) aka social media influencer who had organized a meet for her fans. And one of her followers asked the mc how did she manage to look so fresh and happy despite all the traveling, shooting, early mornings, late nights she has been doing. The celebrity’s life was an open book evidently thanks to her vlogs, so all knew her schedule, and that question piqued my curiosity, and I was hoping she wouldn’t name a product and endorse it at this point in response. To my relief, she didn’t let me down. She said I love what I do, it’s not my job, but it’s a part of me. So all I am doing is living my life, and I get paid for it. She sounded genuine and looked very happy(The video I am referring to is the one by vithya hair and make up)
TED and other motivational video channels share similar thoughts, and their talks are very inspirational, but they sound surreal to me . Most people I come across everyday are zombies like me jumping from task to tasks, dawn to dusk and on a repeat the next day.
I wanted to know the story of passion from real people, people who are around me whom I see every day. So I asked some who gave me the vibes that they love their job. I came across someone who quit her well-paying corporate career and started her own venture on coaching as she felt that is what makes her happy . Another friend of mine left a high flying job to build a start-up catering to the wellness industry . He had something very powerful “ he wanted to make something that makes a difference to our lives , something that adds value and voila! A software was born from the need” . There are many more super heroes without a cape around me and all I had to do was look around to spot them .
Follow your passion it will lead you to your purpose – Oprah Winfrey.
This lead to my next question purpose? I google searched the exact meaning of purpose as assumptions at this stage was a bad idea. So it goes like this
“ It is the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. Purpose also means to have as one’s intention or objective.”
The intention is a magic word. After pouring over books and videos I learnt that the super heroes start their day with an intention to serve their purpose with work, family, friends, and themselves that day. An intention to deliver the best in whatever they do. And if what we do is our passion and we have the right plans everything falls into place automatically. Finally, I admit I am at peace with this discovery.
The very thought of getting paid for what I love to do and be myself makes me happy. This reveals to me that I never knew what was the meaning of making passion my work. I loved my job or the company or the boss but it wasn’t necessarily my passion. A passion that makes me want to jump out of bed every morning like it’s a festival, a purpose that will help me drift into sleep smiling does sound blissful. All these leads to a happy “us” and in turn spreads the happiness and positivity to everyone around. There is so much we can gain by following our passion.
While all this sounds good, the hard truth is everything is in our hands. Even if we skim through books and read a zillion of them until we act on it, it remains a book or a blog on some website. So here are some questions that may help each one of us find answers to the question, do we love what we do.
- Do you feel excited to wake up every morning and sometimes get sleepless at the thought of the next awesome day?
- Do you feel satisfied when you go to bed every night?
- Do you have a hundred reasons to be thankful for in life at any moment?
If the answers to all the above questions were an affirmative then congratulations, you nailed it obviously. If no, its time to find out what is that will help you answer the above questions with a simple yes.
Anything that strikes a chord with our being is our purpose. So what are you waiting for?
I wish you luck!
Bindu
It’s now or never!
Image courtesy- Google
I just heard the sad news about the demise of someone I know, whose laughter still rings in my ears. It got me thinking, how fragile are we. Controlled by this breath and with no control in our hands. While we believe we own everything but in reality we have nothing. Not all that we earned, not all the accolades and not even our own body. It all belongs to this earth, and we go wherever we do with nothing accompanying us. Will we carry memories I wonder? Will happy memories keep us alive up there? How I wish someone could answer this for me.If not that, I will be content to leave this planet with no regrets, is that too much to ask for I wonder?
Of late I have had this realization that we human beings are all so optimistic. We do not believe in pessimism at all. Before you analyze that statement I made, I will explain this further. We are all planning our future. What we will do next year or in the next five years, how we will settle for good in x years, how we will focus on life in x years and so on. We are busy rushing away with the present as we are looking forward to that tomorrow which may not even exist. How are we so confident then? Are we all in a kind of coma? We know we might not survive the next second yet we are ok to fight with our loved ones and sleep angry. We don’t have an expiry date yet we plan what we do after we retire. We let go of everything we have now for that tomorrow that doesn’t even exist. No one in this universe can assure us of the next moment, yet we do what we are good at, living for tomorrow. If this isn’t called optimism then what is?
The sad news, accidents, calamities, deaths shudder me. There are so many talks, messages, forwards, posts on social media which scream at us that this is the only moment yet we are in a race inside our mind and are willing to gamble all that we have for an unknown tomorrow. Does tomorrow exist? Why are we programmed this way? Why don’t we live the now and live it to the fullest being aware that tomorrow might not even be there? Why can’t we be with our loved ones to our heart’s content now? Why do we plan to live to our heart’s content “x” years from now?
Does life have a way of making us realize? I recollect reading a message in which the lord of death Yama comes to the wealthy man to take him away, and he had millions of rupees, but none of that could buy him a second. I repeat, the money couldn’t buy him even one second.
That brings to my quest, In a fragile life like ours, shouldn’t we enjoy every second of it with people we love the most? Listen to them, speak to them and love them to our heart’s content? Express all that we should now and not wait until tomorrow? Live life like there is no tomorrow? I wish we all can…
This very moment, I want you to know that you have touched my life in some way or the other, else you wouldn’t be reading this. I hope and pray that you become aware of this reality that all we have is now. Like the saying goes its now or never.
Happy Living!
why I never loved myself.
Kyunki Tum Hi Ho
Ab Tum Hi Ho
Zindagi Ab Tum Hi Ho from Aashiqui in 2013
or
Dil Deewana bin sajna ke maane na from Maine par kiya decades ago
Image courtesy – Google
Or any love song that we pick be it in the yesteryears or today only emphasizes how we are all made for that one person, and there is no life without them! I grew up listening to them, dreaming about them and imbibing all that they said. Aren’t movies and songs a way of hypnotizing? It seeps into our unconscious minds and occupies the space without even our knowledge. Here we are thinking why do we feel like that, why did I assume that, why did I expect that? Well! Everything we watch and read and listen to becomes a part of us. Sigh!
Also, I grew up with the belief that self-love is narcissism and it’s important to think of everyone else. If everyone around is happy, we will be satisfied. I do not remember who in particular taught me this, but this is what was told time and again. So then why will any one of us love ourselves? Isn’t that a heinous crime?
Well! No. I took years to learn this, but I want to scream this out loud today to all of you that loving one’s self is the best thing we can do for our well being. I certainly know now that until I “love” myself, I cannot love anyone else. If I don’t know what is love then how can I pass on that feeling, that compassion to anyone?
I watched a WhatsApp video by someone recently in which he beautifully explains that love is like a bank balance, you get what you deposit. I couldn’t agree more. In fact, we will always receive more than what we deposit, and it is called “interest” in the banking lingo 🙂
So are we waiting for that spouse to love us, our mother to talk to us, an old friend to be kind to us how about keeping everything aside and enjoying our own company and making ourselves the hero/heroine of our movie called life? The love in us will overflow and reach everyone around. The light in us lightens up another person’s world.
How about loving ourselves and being happy by always remembering that only we are responsible for our own lives. Not parents, not spouses, not partners, not children, not friends, not anyone or anything. We are accountable, and if we do not love ourselves then my friend you know where the issue lies isn’t it?
I am not blaming movies or songs here, am a sucker for romantic films myself but wanted to create awareness about self-love. Because love begins with self.
May there be love in abundance always!
I felt the need to insert a disclaimer here; self-love is not self-obsession:). Let’s keep this topic for some other time.
why compare?
Comparison sounds like an impactful word when it comes to workplace strategies. One could compare a design, cost, codes, etc. Something that will help us derive the best, a word that can get us the best result.
What about the same word when it lands unannounced in our personal lives. Parents comparing the siblings, teachers comparing kids, an adult comparing the current relationship with the older ones or with the others. Spouse’s comparing their better half with the other peoples better half. The same favorable word “comparison” becomes a not so right word.
I haven’t heard of anyone who says “I love the way my mom compared me to my sibling” or a woman telling; “I appreciated the way I was compared to the wives of his friends.” I haven’t come across anyone who is happy comparing their lives with others in general. Now is there a reason why we don’t like comparisons or is it ok for us not to like the word at all?Is “comparison” the reason for discomfort or is it the context in which it is used?Or is comparison good at all? Is it a needed word in life?
There are over 7 billion unique souls on this planet then how and why do we compare? Why would we want anyone to be like the other person? Is it because we like what is tested and proven ? or does it mean we are shying away from learning new things? Is comparison helping us remain in our comfort zone?Does the word shake us up so much that we want to be back with the familiar always?
The thought of how this word could be damaging millions of people on a daily basis shudders me. Kids are striving to be like someone else just because of what a parent wants. A lover is trying to be someone else to please his partner, a spouse attempting to being someone else to impress their better half. Will this ever sustain?Won’t this damage and steal our real identity?
Psychologists say, do not compare and let everyone be the way they are. My friend used to work with a manager who always said when I was “x” age I did all of this work quickly. So now he expected that if anyone is of “x” age, they should be like how he was then. So whenever a fresher joined the company, they were always judged and continuously compared to his ability to do things while he was this age. There is no mercy, no empathy, no accepting that things change and that person is not a clone. The only constant in the company was high attrition.
I was compared to my classmates, my neighbors, my colleagues, my friends, etc. and I honestly didn’t grow up liking it. So I always thought why can’t we accept each one of them in our lives for who they are and however they are. How about finding what their strengths are and supporting it? How about correcting someone with no comparisons? Can “suggestions” be a more helpful way to deal with it? Instead of wanting the familiar or what we have experienced, how about adapting to what is there?
Doesn’t this quote explain what comparison does to all of us?
However, there is one kind of comparison which will work the best, and it is a comparison with the self. How I was five years ago to now could be an example, that can lead to learning and growth.
Anything stated in the positive will leave a powerful impact on one’s mind. So what would you do choose ? “suggestion”, “appreciation”, “comparison” or become aware of the current pattern? Choice is entirely yours 🙂
Love and Light!
Are the rules for women or men?
It was just another day and just another conversation which lead to me writing this blog. It was about alcohol consumption and how anyone should not drink to a level that they cant control themselves. It shouldn’t be an affair everyone gets to see. It is better to be in control of self especially in office parties.
Why do people do that was the discussion? Especially the youth. The first thought that occurred to me is lack of freedom. I grew up with a lot of restrictions on me. So my point was when there is no freedom we abuse the privilege we get to an irreparable extent. However my friend said it was none of that, but it was about being “cool.” Drinking is “cool”, being drunk is cooler. I was taken aback by the definition of cool, as it was never any of that for me as I grew up.
I haven’t ever indulged in alcohol in my life, so that cool factor is something I can’t fathom. If someone wants to look hip by taking care of self physically, mentally or by dressing up, I understand. But abusing their bodies and barfing can be considered cool too? The inability to help oneself and being a burden on others is a wow factor? Do people today look up to someone like that? I shudder the thought of kids who live with parents so unstable.
While I was battling all these thoughts in my head with the inner me, I blurted out. My insecurity, my conditioning spat out loud. I said I agree it’s not right to do all of that but the girls/women have to be more careful as we are prone to suffer the most in a society which is male-dominated. It was then I realized how I was conditioned to think that I was weaker and vulnerable. That I was better off not doing it or worse, it was ok for the guy to do what he does.
All this came as a hard blow to me. When did I start believing this? I wasn’t like this. I didn’t grow up thinking like this, but somewhere along the way, I became this person. I felt we women have to be careful. Was I selfish or was I supporting the men here? While I believed I was just taking care of the women, in reality, I was encouraging the men.
It was a simple realization that occurred to me but the effect this will have on the society if applied to all other aspects is enormous. Women have to be careful in the dressing will be a message from a mother with love and care. Here she doesn’t mean any harm but only love for her daughter. But if there is a Son involved and is privy to this experience he will grow up thinking that it is essential for the girls to be careful and that its ok for him to be the way he is. While the mother has done nothing in this case yet, she has done a LOT of damage.
Let’s look at the scenario broadly and consider places or families where a girl child is weak or a curse. Now if we apply the same mother-daughter situation as above but with high decibel voice, a little harshness, a little frustration, and anger. Can you even imagine what is the impact of this act on the same innocent boy? Didn’t the mother here end up creating a monster in him?
So is this the right way of upbringing ? Are we being blind to the reality that giving importance to something can diminish the significance of others? What if we said its harmful to drink for both and leave it there? Wouldn’t it work without involving the gender of the kid? Won’t the kids then realize that everyone is equal and that they have to be respectful towards each other?
Who will bell the lion now? Who will be the agent of change? Where can we start? Won’t this end all the theories of gender inequality and consider about being human beings. Before any of you judge no it’s about being feminist, my heart goes out to anyone who will look at this message in that angle. You know why? It’s the conditioning of the mind to think in that direction all these years. Isn’t it time to change it anyways? Or should we repeat what we have been doing all these years?
Pretend like it never happened!
PS: I am referring to the mother here as how much ever we argue we women play a very crucial role in our kid’s life. Father does too, but the patience, the ability to multi-task, the ability to explain mostly lies with women as we are blessed with these qualities. It comes with motherhood isn’t it?
Did they live happily ever after?
Then they lived happily ever after; I loved this phrase growing up as that is how the fairy tales ended. That sentence was so positive and full of hope.For me, it meant the beginning and the end of a love story which indicates there is only happiness in the journey called life.
I grew up believing that everyone will have a person assigned to their name and then they will live happily ever after. It took years to understand how delusional that phrase was. How it could impact young minds and how it can coax them into believing that life with a partner mostly is all about happiness and all those hunky dory things.
The theory conveyed by fairy tales has been backed up by countless love stories aka movies which state the same concept in a million ways and hypnotize most into believing that the idea of happily living ever, after all, it does exist.
So by the time one decides to date or be in a relationship the expectations are set, isn’t it? I began thinking why didn’t the author say it was a beginning of a new life and that life is all about ups and downs and it’s about tackling it together. Is it because we do not like hurdles and no one likes the truth? Well! I know it’s a fairy tale and not a reality now, yet its something we are repeatedly told in our growing years. Pardon me! No one warns us stating “don’t believe what I read out ” right? They read us stories with so much passion that we end up believing that a life like that exists.
I wonder if the naiveness to believe this phrase still exists in the kids today or will they say let’s get to the chase?
Will they end up dreaming about a life that doesn’t exist? A life which is based on fiction and doesn’t last anywhere in the world.
Is that why relationships lose their charm in days, months or years? Because we do not prepare for the reality called life? Is it possible that these stories are dictating lives of some generations?
I know daily soaps play a crucial role in the lives of many women but aren’t they a visual representation of what we read and someone’s fantasy again? Will we start outgrowing our imagination and reclaim our lives soon? Will we ever become aware of what Love is?
Jiddu Krishnamurthi questions, Is love pleasure ? or desire or remembrance? Or Is love attachment to a person, a country or an idea? He wants us to think and answer them obviously as it concerns us. The basic definition we grew up learning indicates that all the words he chose explain what love means for us.
It made me think and become aware that how we are all preconditioned as humans. On what love is and how we can define it, thanks to all that we read and watch. How we live in ignorance instead of enjoying the bliss called life? Very few are blessed to find a partner who understands this and engages in life. Have you found yours or would you like to become that partner now or would you like to live in ignorance? The choice is entirely yours. The good news here is, awareness can fix anything so alas! they lived happily ever after is possible if we take up life in our own hands by being present to it.
Wishing you love and happiness always 🙂
My best year so far-2017
I learned that no one could be a source of my happiness,
I learned that Love heals,
I discovered there is no better way to love myself other than fitness,
I learned reading is food for the soul,
I learned social media is not real,
I rediscovered that food can make my soul smile,
I learned its important to express,
I rediscovered that music can heal,
I learned people come and go and change is the only constant,
I realized pain makes us stronger,
I realized commitment is what it takes to achieve goals,
I learned the ability to not do anything is a blessing too,
I realized traveling could change perspectives
I realized feedbacks play a vital role in my life,
I rediscovered that family comes first,
I learned that coloring is soulful,
I learned the power of affirmations,
I learned the importance of being in the moment,
I learned that crying is a symbol of strength,
I learned smile is the best language anyone will understand,
I learned to befriend my fears was better than fighting it,
I learned responding worked better than reacting,
I learned laughter was better than a painful word,
I learned a hug could solve everything in my life,
I learned words have the power to kill or heal,
I learned downs are essential to realizing the highs,
I learned self-love is the best love,
I learned space is the best when confused,
I learned silence is the best remedy when hurt,
I discovered I could craft my own life,
I learned the power of breathing,
I learned that listening is better than talking,
I learned that unlearning is the right way to living
I learned many more things …
Last but not the least I realized the power of gratitude!
Thank you for being a part of my 2017.
I wish you lot of learnings, discoveries, and happiness in 2018!
How not to be Mind-full! (Three simple everyday practices that help me be mindful. )
When I say the word “mindfulness,” I see people smirk or roll their eyes most times. I am aware that their reaction is not because they find me amusing but because they don’t understand the word mindfulness. Living in the moment, being able to listen to the mind chatter and being entirely present to it is a huge task. It appears very simple. But simple is not easy.
There are ways to create self-awareness, and these are things I have followed and continue to every day.
Firstly, pause every 10 minutes and recollect what was the mind chattering while we were busy going about our daily lives. Make a mental note of all the points and continue with the chores. This practice can be repeated as frequently as possible in the beginning as this draws attention inwards and helps us focus on the present moment.
Secondly, being aware of the breath can be a huge revelation trust me as we don’t like anything being repetitive.
Breathe deeply being aware of the air entering and leaving the nostrils. Deep breathing can be practiced all day for at least a few weeks. It becomes a habit eventually. We have to become aware that we are alive by the fragile breath and focus on it entirely. There are apps like calm and apple watch that can help us with mindful breathing. I prefer my body clock over the applications to avoid dependency.
Thirdly, we should develop the art to listen and be ok with the negative self-talk, the horror stories that run inside our heads. It means we do not resist a thought but listen to it and be thankful that we are aware of all that is happening inside us. Always remember resistance makes the problem seem prominent than it is, so why not acknowledge the thought and befriend it.
I laugh at myself so many times when my mind whirls up negative thoughts as I am aware of its pattern and very well understand what can happen if I fall prey to it. Mindfulness ensures that we operate the mind and not vice-versa. Our mind can be that Robot in a Hollywood movie which captures the world and destroys everything until we realize the robot has a creator and also a remote control.
Being in control of life and being able to listen to all that and smile it off is a way we can remain sane with ourselves and our relationships. I have practiced all these, and it has helped me immensely hence wanted to share with all of you. The day we realize that we can control our mind unlike what it has done to us all these years we win the battle.
Bindu Gopinath 