I always tell people that if we were diagnosed with mental health issues, most of us would be tested for something positive. Conditions like OCD, ADHD, or Dyslexia are some examples. We live in a country where we have a community with immense support. There are families , friends , neighbors etc (many with no boundaries!). As a result, mental health takes a back seat. The western culture approach is so radically different and therapy is a part of life. We as a Nation are catching up of course. I was walking in the park one morning and my eye fell on this piece of paper on the ground.
I glanced at it and kept walking but by the time I finished a loop of the park ,my mind stuck to that pamphlet and took me on a journey 🙂 . For the most part of my school I always read a to-let board as toilet. I consistently and continuously did this irrespective of on what building the board was!
I never spoke out or asked anyone why is that house or building called a Toilet? I never reasoned it out nor did I have the courage to talk out loud and become a laughing stock! At some point, I had an epiphany but I have no memory of when exactly. I realized it read TO-LET(woo hoo!), which has a totally different meaning. I kept asking myself,” how did I miss the hyphen” for all of the past years but I never got an answer. I buried it in the hatchet and moved on. That morning, the pamphlet resurfaced the memory and I was compelled to share it.
I am sure I had my reasons to be embarrassed as a kid. I was not comfortable being honest or vulnerable for the fear of being judged perhaps? I hope I don’t give or be a reason for anyone around me to feel the way I did. This is silly but it stayed with me which means it meant something!
Feels so good to let this cat out! What is that silly thing which is of no significance in this Universe that you are holding on to? Care to share with me or talk out loud? I promise its worth it!
I have had allergies since the age of 9, if I recall correctly. I have lived on antihistamines for most of my life. The medicine I used to take when I was a kid was banned in India. It was discontinued decades ago. I became aware of this Ayurveda process called Nasyam about 8 years ago. I tried it once, but with the wrong person. What happened after that was PTSD. I was in distress the whole day. I felt the ghee had seeped into my brain. I had no respite. To cut a long story short, it was a nightmare!
This time, I decided to get Nasyam done at an Ayurveda center. I was very scared. I went in with a lot of fear. Before I say more about the process I underwent, I would like to describe my allergy symptoms. It’s sneezes that can be like Diwali crackers or a big rocket. Watering/itching eyes plus itchy/runny nose. I had figured out a suppression mechanism that worked out when, but my life was on a standstill for that day or couple of days 😦 ..
I would take a drowsy antihistamine, eat chocolate, and junk food. I would consume anything I wouldn’t eat on a normal day. This helps me stuff away my discomfort. Eventually, I fall asleep thanks to the tablet. This has been my life for decades!
Let’s get back to the Nasyam process.
Step 1: They massaged oil on my face and opened up my sinuses via the massage.
Step 2: I had to steam with water that had an Ayurvedic oil (smells a little like Vicks).
Step 3: I lay down with a tilted head. My therapist would administer 3 to 4 drops of Nasyam, aka Anutailam, into my nostrils. She would massage my nose and make sure the ghee was inside my nasal cavity. I was then asked to inhale it deeply.
Step 4: They burn a stick (Dhoomam, which looks like sage). She asked me to inhale the smoke from my nose. Then, exhale via my mouth for each nostril. That hit badly, and I coughed like I was on fire :). I was left wondering why do people really smoke 😀
Step 5: Gargle with salt water to spit out excess phlegm (sorry, this is gross).
I had to follow a diet which excluded cold food in terms of temperature. It was also based on the way Ayurveda describes food (Prakrithis). I couldn’t wash my hair that day, and also bland warm foods had to be consumed.
I did this for 7 days each morning and I must say the first thing I noticed was my skin was feeling softer ;). Jokes apart, I went through hell for the first 4 to 5 days. I had severe allergies; like my hubby said, I paid money to get sick. I suffered and maybe used up to 2 boxes of tissues each day! I was not great company to be around. I had to be clean(I realize I sound like an addict ;)) .This means no more meds, no eating all that junk, and no sleeping off. This was the worst few days of my year!
In this phase of my life I realize the only way out of anything is through it. I stayed strong because of this belief, I guess. My family struggled to see me suffer; they were in pain clearly. They gave advice to stop the treatment. They suggested getting an allopathy consultation. They even said it’s okay to eat what you like. They doled everything my way. I had to finally tell them I know you love me, but I need support and not ways to quit! I stuck to the regime and even after 7 days some mornings I woke up with sniffles.
I don’t know if my allergies have vanished. I feel hopeful that there is something ahead in life. I am stronger than the day I started the process. This process tested my grit, commitment, and also helped me get clarity in my brain. I feel my brain quietened a little and it made space for a growth mindset.
I feel this is something I will do every year to cleanse my sinuses and brain. I am starting to feel it’s worth the effort. I also feel if someone has no severe allergies like me, then they will not suffer the way I did. I went to Google to read about the experiences of others who have undergone this. I didn’t find any, so here I am typing away. If you have any questions or encouragement, I am here.
I wish you the best in your journey!
Love
Bindu
ps: If you have an option to do this process in a proper retreat, then please do that. This way your family won’t see you suffer and no one has to deal with managing the special diet!
What do we actually do when someone hurts us? We chase them asking them for the “why”, ask the Universe “why me” , replay the scene a million times in loop if we are an over thinker perhaps? Blame the other person for all the fault so that we don’t have to take accountability for anything? Play victim maybe? Ok I personally am good at shutting down too 🙂 . So many ways to deal with hurt and I am sure there are hundred more ways I am yet to discover .I guess you get the gist of where I am coming from. And this is exactly what I have done and I have seen people around me do growing up as a kid and as an adult now. It’s a drill , I mean aren’t we all preprogrammed to follow the drill?
I have lived in the same loop or ways for all my life and also have witnessed my loved ones suffer in their own creative ways because of a hurt. However that flipped for me as I had an aha moment and the whole credit goes to Social Media (the evil one of course 🙂 ). I was fortunate to stumble upon a video which had an amazing story. What do we do if we are bit by a snake? Do we chase the snake for miles, blame it, fight it and die or do we chose to go to a doctor and get ourselves healed? the latter for most people I assume. Then why do we actually run around and chase the people who hurt us ? Is it because they are people? or because we don’t know what the overthinking, stress, anger, blame is doing to our own bodies? I cannot fathom the damage the negative toxic thoughts must have done to the cells in my body for so many years.
This was a pic while I was in NYC. I don’t know why I chose this image for this blog.
Here, I learnt that when I am hurt the first thing I should do is look within and see how I am feeling? what is happening and why did I feel that way? what was really happening and all this as an “observer”. Yes! Observer the word you would have heard from millions of gurus, therapists , books etc ..
I choose to become an observer when I am hurt and see what is playing out in my body and what is the story my mind is weaving. It has been a mind blowing revelation. It is so soothing and loving for myself, I feel seen and heard and in that light I am also able to see the other person for who they are. This is a practise and I have just begun my journey. I am working on making this a way of my life. I was hoping this learning of mine will help someone out there to be able to move on in their life and heal themselves from all the pain they have been holding on to. Instead of getting angry ,resentful and hoping the anger in us will hurt others just experience the anger and see it, label it, process it and release it. It has reduced the weight on my shoulders and I am truly lighter than how I was yesterday. All this because loving ourselves is the only way of life!!
I believe if I can do it so can others. I think the only way to do this is through continuous practise!
I recently was listening to a podcast about an author who has worked with prison inmates. It was beyond my understanding when the author said that he sees people despite their henious crimes. While he passionately voiced that they are good humans behind their criminal labels. His empathy and passion for helping them was beyond the understanding of my intellect. It took a second for me to understand that, it was an Aha! Moment . It took a little while for my brain to process that what people do is beyond who they are. We are not what we do but we are much bigger than that action. What we do is an action and that doesn’t define us. It is a mindblowing concept and I wish I had learnt that eons ago. I wonder how much humility one needs to be able to see that. This thought has been thawing in the back of my mind , thanks to Oprah.
I clicked this blurred messy image amidst a stormy hail. I felt it explains how blurred my view was!
This morning I was learning the concept of aware love and that was what brought back gushing memories about the podcast. What is that you ask? Aware love is being aware of the person and loving them sans their actions. Seeing that someone’s action is not them but merely a choice they make. Being aware of that reality and loving anyways is unconditional love. An alien concept for many of us I assume as that means being non judge-mental. Seeing through a lens of compassion and yes! We are built to see others that ways apparently!
It was a light bulb moment and I felt the need to pen this down. I wish I was able to see this and understand this concept in the early years of my life then I wonder where I would be right now? That blog for another time.
A step further doesn’t this also mean not taking what others say or do personally, that means nothing is about us? That also means no one is controlling us but our own minds and belief systems? This concept is whooshing inside my head and going through every corner and picking up everything that comes in its way.
Aware love also means being aware of ourselves and loving ourselves despite the mistakes we make right? It has to ideally begin there I would think. The ability to see ourselves with love despite the mistakes we have made is aware love. If we can start with ourselves it will soon become a second nature for us!
This sounds too simple – If we are able to observe situations than judge them , we hit a home run .
While doing an exercise on self awareness I realized that my observations weren’t observations but judgements. My mind has been on auto pilot mode that it doesn’t even discern the difference between the two. Saying he/she was so rude to me which is a judgement vis a vis saying he/she said harsh things changes the way the story is written. When the theme of the story changes do does the ending isn’t it? Was this the really meaning of happy ending stories that I perhaps never understood because of the shallow romantic love displayed in movies?
I wish you unconditional love, aware love! I wish you happiness in life!
PS: I am writing after a long time so please forgive my rustiness
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I set out to explore Maui with trepidation as a lot was happening in the world and the last thing I want to do is suffer for being adventurous(needy of some Sun and positive energy). I happened to speak to a client at Hawai, and he prompted, now is the time if you want to be here; the island is serene and not crowded, unlike every year. At this time of the year, Hawai attracts 40k travelers per day, and it is 8K now, he said, and that piqued my interests. Two of my friends were already headed to Maui, so that added the spring to my decision. Booking a place on Airbnb was easy breezy, and so were the flight tickets. I chose to fly Alaska Airways.
What was missing was information or alerts, which told me things I had to keep in mind before traveling apart from wearing masks and carrying sanitizers. Like the COVID 19 test was mandatory and had to be done 72 hours before landing at Hawai, failing which one has to do a compulsory quarantine for 14 days. Once you know this, it’s a sigh of relief as that sounds pretty simple. Well, not really!
I received an email from the airlines about the prerequisites and that the COVID test was mandatory. The Caveat being the test results were accepted only from centers approved by the govt of Hawaii. Click here for info https://hawaiicovid19.com/travel-partners/.
A few tips to avoid stress:
Please schedule a COVID test appointment asap and do not repeat the mistake I made, waiting to book a slot as it was to be completed 72 hours in advance. The COVID test places in the approved list were booked out for over ten days when I checked in November and panicked! I called over 8 locations, and the others didn’t even pick my calls. I finally had to request(plead) for help, and one of the Bartell Drug locations took me in and was very helpful.
You have to update the trip on this APP, including your flight details and other info.
You have to fill in the Health questionnaire 24 hours before your flight.
You have to upload the COVID test result in the Document section, and the APP generates the QR code, which has to be handy to gain entry at Maui(Hawai)
When you land in Maui, there is a help desk set before you reach the baggage claim. They check your QR code, make necessary entries, and let you into the baggage claim area with a pink slip(pun unintended).Please keep the pink receipt handy as it has to be shown at the rental car agency in case you need to rent a car.
Everything was worth it, and I breathed easily as I exited the car rentals! The views and the energy of this place are DIVINE. While I am looking into the horizon, I hope this blog was useful. I wanted to share what I learned and ensure you I spare you the pain!
It was a bright sunny afternoon and I was on a walk with a friend. We didn’t want to go to a restaurant as we weren’t comfortable with all the pandemic scare around. We walked for miles and talked about everything under the sun. We finally reached a spot under the tree for final bye exchanges and to go to our respective destinations – our home.
While we were busy wrapping up I see a lady walking on the pavement and she is very old. She( I will call her Nonna from hereon) is walking straight for a moment and walks into us the next , feels dizzy and collapses on the sidewalk on her seat. All this happens in a matter of few seconds and I am in shock. I don’t know what to do and I look at my friend for help and she is equally perplexed. Nonna wasn’t hurt but she was dizzy, scared, confused and she wanted help to get back on her feet. I felt anxiety rising inside me, feeling so uncomfortable with what was happening right in front of me.
She looked into my eyes and I was feeling so helpless as she was very old and I was worried for her health and mine. I wasn’t sure what was the right thing to do, the cars stopped by to offer help, the girl from a shop close by came to offer water. Nonna kept trying to get up but just couldn’t even move and she again asked me for help to get up. She didn’t engage with anyone but me and I was so present to that and that worried me even more as I felt responsible for her. She didn’t want to be told to sit or rest and that irritated her visibly , I sensed she felt trapped by her body and us.
So many questions on my mind what if she collapses again and hurts herself , what if she is sick , what if something happens to her. Is it safe to help her etc. I then look at her face she has aged so gracefully and all the wrinkles on her face has so many stories to share, she knows what she wants and all she asked me is a little help. We lock eyes again and she tells me help! I stop ruminating, I stop listening to people around me, I don’t wait for the ambulance to reach something inside me decided to do what she wanted. I offered her my hand and she hung on to it with all that she had, she held my leg to climb up and stand. She stood up and said I want to go. I asked her to wait, the other girl offered her water, my friend found the ambulance but she walked away. Nonna said I don’t know what happened to me but she put on a straight face and started walking
The paramedics tried to talk to her she questioned who they were and responded stating I don’t need help. She refused to engage with them and she refused to soften her gaze , she was in fear but she didn’t show it for a second and walked away with all the energy she had. I stood there sighing relief, regaining my breath with a thousand thoughts swimming in my head wondering will she be ok. The paramedic confirmed he knew where she lived as he saw her just a while ago when she started her walk so he felt she will reach safely. He said we can’t help if she doesn’t want to be helped.
I don’t know who she is , I don’t know how she is but her face is in my prayers everyday. I hope Nonna is fine and safe, I hope she is living happily. I hope she doesn’t fall again in this unstable world! I hope I learn to be as strong and bold like her if I reach her age because what she did needed a different level of grit and commitment to self.
I have experienced anxiety all my life but I never could label that feeling and I didn’t know what that meant till recently. I had to do a lot of reading to find out and name the experience and learn how to address it. This morning I woke up with a lot of anxiety and I thought it’s time I shared this so that if any of you reading this is in my shoes knows what to do. For me anxiety is racing heart, whirlwind thoughts( negative of course) , sweating , I feel limp accompanied by heaviness in the chest area. I feel it’s all over and I am sinking!
This is the most difficult time because all that I know and have learned goes out of the window. I get into a loop – a vicious cycle. Are you wondering what to do if one experiences this. To begin with if there is a loved one around or a friend who knows you well educate them on anxiety. The benefit of this is when the time comes they are there by your side just silently because that’s when we don’t want to hear “how we could be calm or have done something better or how it’s simple and we complicate it”. Basically prepare so that you receive no unsolicited advice 🙂
Secondly, move .. move your body. Walk, run, dance, work out because it helps shift the energy and hence shift the mood and hence shifts the anxious feelings too. If you can step into Nature there is no better cure, it’s magical how Nature can calm us down with her grounded energy.
Thirdly, breathe and write. Do the 4-7-8 breathing to calm yourself, it does it’s magic . Then write all that comes to your mind. I call it feelings dump until I have nothing to write. Recommended word count is 750. It relieves a lot of pressure off the monkey mind, try this and see the difference for yourself.
Fourth, do something you love. Maybe listen to music, eat good food, Chant mantra, cuddle your pet or your loved one( cuddling can cure anything in my opinion as touch has the power to heal) , read etc etc
What not to do: stay in the bed, stay in a dark room( have you heard demons live in the dark:)) , Don’t express this to someone who doesn’t know or understand the severity of anxiety because they can negate you in a second and push you deep down into the dump. It’s ok if someone in your family doesn’t understand, find a friend or a therapist or a group who does and share it with them because they know and understand and will never say, oh you are ok! Just take it easy!
I meditate and am a goof ball but this happens to me once in a while and I find it difficult too. I think that’s ok because I am human . Always remind yourself that this too shall pass and tomorrow is a new day filled with new opportunities.
A part of my home which I have never taken for granted- the window! It’s my window to the world. Now that I work from home I hover around the window all the time , my favorite place in my home is my window because it connects me to the world , to people outside it in a way I can never explain.
I have seen so many people so far but some stuck to my memory. Like the girls who happily danced on the street because they didn’t care and because they enjoyed each other’s company.
The lady who takes her smoke break and is in Nirvana the whole time in her drag, she forgets the world around her.
The lady whose spa is closed now because of Covid and is restlessly doing everything possible to ensure people walk in. Be it the poster or trimming the plants around her small spa keeping herself busy
The garbage truck man who comes in at the same time every singe day and completes his job effortlessly that I am left wondering it is so easy!
The service man who finished his assignment and decided to sit on the sidewalk and finish his lunch and he did that while he flipped through his phone
The couples who pass by occasionally holding hands, expressing love, clicking pictures because they are lost in one another
The humans who walks his/her dog, some are so much in love with their pet and some are so much in love with their 7 inch screen they hold
The homeless man who was relentlessly cussing and flashing his middle finger at every passer by, I thought he was so bold!
Night
The sun, moon , the clouds who pass by me every single day.. reminding me that this too shall pass!
So many more.. they keep me company though they are not with me. Is that why they say do good even when no one is seeing because someone is always seeing you? You never know who is watching you, so always put on your good shoes because you might be making someone’s day somewhere!!
I woke up this morning to a plethora of messages on my phone. I didnt know what was happening and dug into all my messages to learn that my best friend from college is no more. I was numb and shocked, to be clear we were rarely in touch after college. We tried to meet and let the relationship flourish but life had other plans and we grew apart. In my defense I would say Life happened and we went our ways. After hearing the news of his death this morning I felt nothing changed and memories are all stored in our bodies. My heart is so heavy as I feel so sad that I was in my own world for so long. This jolts me into reality that life is so short, not even our next breath is guaranteed and I have been making fancy plans on how my future will be.
I have been living and trying to balance with one leg in the boat called now and another in the boat called tomorrow. Right now,I am left wondering what is life really? birth-life and death? Thats all? I know we will all forget this happened some day but I hope this learning stays with me till the end of my life. Events have a power to change lives and I hope this news does that for everyone whose life he touched. Abhi was a happy go lucky, mischievous guy all our college life, so strong yet so fragile and I was his friend yet his mother in many facets. I feel sad that I couldn’t bid him a bye 😥
I feel I have lived my whole life in anticipation of a better tomorrow. I am so heart broken and am here to remain myself and tell you that life is short:
if you have that friend you haven’t spoken to ,say hello!
if there is someone who you have taken for granted tell them how much you love them,
if you have been living for others then start living for yourself
if you have been living in the next moment remember there may be none.
Live like there is no tomorrow because in reality there maybe none!
Bindu Gopinath 