Kyunki Tum Hi Ho
Ab Tum Hi Ho
Zindagi Ab Tum Hi Ho from Aashiqui in 2013

or

Dil Deewana bin sajna ke maane na from Maine par kiya decades ago

Image courtesy – Google

Or any love song that we pick be it in the yesteryears or today only emphasizes how we are all made for that one person, and there is no life without them! I grew up listening to them, dreaming about them and imbibing all that they said. Aren’t movies and songs a way of hypnotizing? It seeps into our unconscious minds and occupies the space without even our knowledge. Here we are thinking why do we feel like that, why did I assume that, why did I expect that? Well! Everything we watch and read and listen to becomes a part of us. Sigh!

Also, I grew up with the belief that self-love is narcissism and it’s important to think of everyone else. If everyone around is happy, we will be satisfied. I do not remember who in particular taught me this, but this is what was told time and again. So then why will any one of us love ourselves? Isn’t that a heinous crime?

Well! No. I took years to learn this, but I want to scream this out loud today to all of you that loving one’s self is the best thing we can do for our well being. I certainly know now that until I “love” myself, I cannot love anyone else. If I don’t know what is love then how can I pass on that feeling, that compassion to anyone?

I watched a WhatsApp video by someone recently in which he beautifully explains that love is like a bank balance, you get what you deposit. I couldn’t agree more. In fact, we will always receive more than what we deposit, and it is called “interest” in the banking lingo 🙂

So are we waiting for that spouse to love us, our mother to talk to us, an old friend to be kind to us how about keeping everything aside and enjoying our own company and making ourselves the hero/heroine of our movie called life? The love in us will overflow and reach everyone around. The light in us lightens up another person’s world.

How about loving ourselves and being happy by always remembering that only we are responsible for our own lives. Not parents, not spouses, not partners, not children, not friends, not anyone or anything. We are accountable, and if we do not love ourselves then my friend you know where the issue lies isn’t it?

I am not blaming movies or songs here, am a sucker for romantic films myself but wanted to create awareness about self-love. Because love begins with self.

May there be love in abundance always!
I felt the need to insert a disclaimer here; self-love is not self-obsession:). Let’s keep this topic for some other time.

Comparison sounds like an impactful word when it comes to workplace strategies. One could compare a design, cost, codes, etc. Something that will help us derive the best, a word that can get us the best result.

What about the same word when it lands unannounced in our personal lives. Parents comparing the siblings, teachers comparing kids, an adult comparing the current relationship with the older ones or with the others. Spouse’s comparing their better half with the other peoples better half. The same favorable word “comparison” becomes a not so right word.

I haven’t heard of anyone who says “I love the way my mom compared me to my sibling” or a woman telling; “I appreciated the way I was compared to the wives of his friends.” I haven’t come across anyone who is happy comparing their lives with others in general. Now is there a reason why we don’t like comparisons or is it ok for us not to like the word at all?Is “comparison” the reason for discomfort or is it the context in which it is used?Or is comparison good at all? Is it a needed word in life?

There are over 7 billion unique souls on this planet then how and why do we compare? Why would we want anyone to be like the other person? Is it because we like what is tested and proven ? or does it mean we are shying away from learning new things? Is comparison helping us remain in our comfort zone?Does the word shake us up so much that we want to be back with the familiar always?

The thought of how this word could be damaging millions of people on a daily basis shudders me. Kids are striving to be like someone else just because of what a parent wants. A lover is trying to be someone else to please his partner, a spouse attempting to being someone else to impress their better half. Will this ever sustain?Won’t this damage and steal our real identity?

Psychologists say, do not compare and let everyone be the way they are. My friend used to work with a manager who always said when I was “x” age I did all of this work quickly. So now he expected that if anyone is of “x” age, they should be like how he was then. So whenever a fresher joined the company, they were always judged and continuously compared to his ability to do things while he was this age. There is no mercy, no empathy, no accepting that things change and that person is not a clone. The only constant in the company was high attrition.

I was compared to my classmates, my neighbors, my colleagues, my friends, etc. and I honestly didn’t grow up liking it. So I always thought why can’t we accept each one of them in our lives for who they are and however they are. How about finding what their strengths are and supporting it? How about correcting someone with no comparisons? Can “suggestions” be a more helpful way to deal with it? Instead of wanting the familiar or what we have experienced, how about adapting to what is there?

Doesn’t this quote explain what comparison does to all of us?

However, there is one kind of comparison which will work the best, and it is a comparison with the self. How I was five years ago to now could be an example, that can lead to learning and growth.

Anything stated in the positive will leave a powerful impact on one’s mind. So what would you do choose ? “suggestion”, “appreciation”, “comparison” or become aware of the current pattern? Choice is entirely yours 🙂

Love and Light!

It was just another day and just another conversation which lead to me writing this blog. It was about alcohol consumption and how anyone should not drink to a level that they cant control themselves. It shouldn’t be an affair everyone gets to see. It is better to be in control of self especially in office parties.

Why do people do that was the discussion? Especially the youth. The first thought that occurred to me is lack of freedom. I grew up with a lot of restrictions on me. So my point was when there is no freedom we abuse the privilege we get to an irreparable extent. However my friend said it was none of that, but it was about being “cool.” Drinking is “cool”, being drunk is cooler. I was taken aback by the definition of cool, as it was never any of that for me as I grew up.

I haven’t ever indulged in alcohol in my life, so that cool factor is something I can’t fathom. If someone wants to look hip by taking care of self physically, mentally or by dressing up, I understand. But abusing their bodies and barfing can be considered cool too? The inability to help oneself and being a burden on others is a wow factor? Do people today look up to someone like that? I shudder the thought of kids who live with parents so unstable.

While I was battling all these thoughts in my head with the inner me, I blurted out. My insecurity, my conditioning spat out loud. I said I agree it’s not right to do all of that but the girls/women have to be more careful as we are prone to suffer the most in a society which is male-dominated. It was then I realized how I was conditioned to think that I was weaker and vulnerable. That I was better off not doing it or worse, it was ok for the guy to do what he does.

All this came as a hard blow to me. When did I start believing this? I wasn’t like this. I didn’t grow up thinking like this, but somewhere along the way, I became this person. I felt we women have to be careful. Was I selfish or was I supporting the men here? While I believed I was just taking care of the women, in reality, I was encouraging the men.

It was a simple realization that occurred to me but the effect this will have on the society if applied to all other aspects is enormous. Women have to be careful in the dressing will be a message from a mother with love and care. Here she doesn’t mean any harm but only love for her daughter. But if there is a Son involved and is privy to this experience he will grow up thinking that it is essential for the girls to be careful and that its ok for him to be the way he is. While the mother has done nothing in this case yet, she has done a LOT of damage.

Let’s look at the scenario broadly and consider places or families where a girl child is weak or a curse. Now if we apply the same mother-daughter situation as above but with high decibel voice, a little harshness, a little frustration, and anger. Can you even imagine what is the impact of this act on the same innocent boy? Didn’t the mother here end up creating a monster in him?

So is this the right way of upbringing ? Are we being blind to the reality that giving importance to something can diminish the significance of others? What if we said its harmful to drink for both and leave it there? Wouldn’t it work without involving the gender of the kid? Won’t the kids then realize that everyone is equal and that they have to be respectful towards each other?

Who will bell the lion now? Who will be the agent of change? Where can we start? Won’t this end all the theories of gender inequality and consider about being human beings. Before any of you judge no it’s about being feminist, my heart goes out to anyone who will look at this message in that angle. You know why? It’s the conditioning of the mind to think in that direction all these years. Isn’t it time to change it anyways? Or should we repeat what we have been doing all these years?
Pretend like it never happened!

PS: I am referring to the mother here as how much ever we argue we women play a very crucial role in our kid’s life. Father does too, but the patience, the ability to multi-task, the ability to explain mostly lies with women as we are blessed with these qualities. It comes with motherhood isn’t it?

I learned that no one could be a source of my happiness,
I learned that Love heals,
I discovered there is no better way to love myself other than fitness,
I learned reading is food for the soul,
I learned social media is not real,
I rediscovered that food can make my soul smile,
I learned its important to express,
I rediscovered that music can heal,
I learned people come and go and change is the only constant,
I realized pain makes us stronger,
I realized commitment is what it takes to achieve goals,
I learned the ability to not do anything is a blessing too,
I realized traveling could change perspectives
I realized feedbacks play a vital role in my life,
I rediscovered that family comes first,
I learned that coloring is soulful,
I learned the power of affirmations,
I learned the importance of being in the moment,
I learned that crying is a symbol of strength,
I learned smile is the best language anyone will understand,
I learned to befriend my fears was better than fighting it,
I learned responding worked better than reacting,
I learned laughter was better than a painful word,
I learned a hug could solve everything in my life,
I learned words have the power to kill or heal,
I learned downs are essential to realizing the highs,
I learned self-love is the best love,
I learned space is the best when confused,
I learned silence is the best remedy when hurt,
I discovered I could craft my own life,
I learned the power of breathing,
I learned that listening is better than talking,
I learned that unlearning is the right way to living
I learned many more things …
Last but not the least I realized the power of gratitude!

Thank you for being a part of my 2017.

I wish you lot of learnings, discoveries, and happiness in 2018!

The #metoo statuses all over social media has not been alarming for me being a woman , I have always encountered this in my career being the face for the company I represented. I detested , felt uncomfortable , cried , cribbed and then learnt to deal with it . Not accept it but deal with it 🙂 . I remember this episode when I spoke to my manager and asked for a role change as in my first job all of it came as a shocker to me . Clients wanting to meet outside of work , a coffee request , a sleazy comment . I was petrified as a fresher out of college but as they say life goes on and we learn . Even I learnt . I realised so many men who do what they do ,will do that to anything that remotely looks like a woman and it became a joke in my head and i realised it was about them and not about me . I have met so many people who had assumed that a person who works in media , marketing should be available apart from being an alcoholic and a chain smoker *rollseyes* . I found the stereotyping amusing indeed. When they realise their perseverance isn’t working , there are a few(before giving up) who asked me then why do you dress up ?(LOL!) It was alarming as I have always dressed up be it rain or shine for my own self and never to please anyone ever *duh*.

Very early in my life I realised life isnt always fair to us ( no am not a feminist ).Over time people realized and gave up on me and new ones surfaced . The worst thing these men never learnt is that the world is too small and that  there could be big mouths who might be drumming about their talent(pun intended) in the market/industry 🙂

I got to a point where meeting people or even social media chats used to irk me . It still does and hence I am sure many people will label women like me cold or rude without realising the reason behind the way we are. The conditioning we have received all these years! I have tried being nice but then they work on the principle “has gayi, tho phase gayi” *tchtch* .

Wait why work places ?  This happens on social media , men in the name of professionals stalk on LinkedIn day in and out . Am not even going to Facebook scenarios *facepalm*  . Some don’t think twice before drafting a message Facebook , So what if I am someone else’s daughter , sister, girl friend , wife – who cares. I always wondered how these men will deal if something like this happened to their wives or daughters . Will they say “chill relax, ignore it, don’t over react “on second thoughts may be they will . To zillions of men who think women are objects for fun , remember karma is a bitch and I have always prayed that they be born a woman in their next birth ( I don’t know if another birth exists BUT I really hope this happens *grins*) but I don’t want to be born like them ever , I don’t mean turn tables . Its disgusting to be that ways !

And before I face the flake , this is about my experiences . Not all men are bad as I have met some amazing souls in my career , a loving one in my life and I repeat I am not a feminist 🙂 .i would like to thank #metoo for bringing up this side of me and what better way to celebrate Diwali than being in the light or should I say by getting rid of darkness .

Happy Diwali to all of you folks !! May this planet be a nicer place for all of us , let all parents feel safe about their daughters and sons.

Light and Love !