I am a very emotional soul, most things that happens around me affects me. Be it the news paper, tv or anyone in trouble . Need I then say about my loved ones? I have been thinking of how to be detached yet attached ? how not to react or get affected for that matter. How to lets say “just be” .

I understand we humans have a brain which is faster than a super computer and is capable of processing a zillion thoughts in a day or should I say an hour? Attached to the zillion thoughts are a zillion emotions ! we are a wreck already aren’t we ? The realisation that I am allowing those zillion emotions of someone who matters to me to affect me was a mind boggling realisation . Now occurs a question if the emotions of another person or their actions is affecting me who has the control on my emotions really ? is it me or them? i meant to ask who has my remote control ? The awareness that I am a prisoner of others thoughts is so scary and so is the fact that my life could become a roller coaster ride all day .. In this quest I found a lot of answers after reading , after deliberation and I wanted to share my learning with you all 🙂

I realised that others emotions affects me because of the “ME” mode I live in. Lets call it a “ME ” filter considering that this is the era of filters . Let me not digress , so we end up looking at all that is happening around us through the “Me” filter . We think we are the centre of the universe and all that happens is for us , aiming at us because end of day its all about “ME”.

Let me try explaining this further . Hmm lets say a friend is having a bad day at work and comes to meet me in a foul mood. And I ask her, so how was your day and she will answer me rudely. Now, what happened here ? She answered me from her space of frustration and thats all . But how did I decipher it? She is so rude to me . I waited for this meeting the whole day , I planned , I took an initiative , I always care and this behaviour is unacceptable . She is so insensitive and doesn’t respect me , I dont deserve such a behaviour. I am now offended , sounds familiar isnt it? Imagine that’s a spouse or a partner now 🙂 the impact is even deeper. Because there is love in the relationship .

Now did she mean to be rude to me ? Was that an intent? Well honestly the answer is no! It was their response from their experience with no intent of hurting us. But wait! isnt it about the ME filter ? What did I finally become here? A victim could we say ? It was not their direct reaction to us right? Similarly if someone else gets angry or is rude its more about them and not us. Its about their inability to cope up, their weakness, their expectations and their struggle but definitely not “Me”

Finally who is the culprit here ? The ME filter! We tend to take or have conditioned ourselves to take others words and actions as their personal judgement of us . So their unhappiness is ours , their anger is ours, their happiness is ours so who is controlling life here ..I finally realised the need to live my life my way and not anyone’s way and figured out being aware Is the first step .

Perspectives is the only way to tackle the “ME” filter. Let me explain this further may be with an example.

My partner was very rude today .

“Me” filter : He is so rude. I love him so much . He doesn’t care. There is no point doing anything for him. Its a waste . I don’t deserve this treatment ..

“Partner Filter “ : He is rude today because he is having a bad day. It has nothing to do with me. It is his way of venting out and getting normal. I should just let him be.  At this moment his state of mind is most important for him.

“Our Filter” : He is rude because he is having a bad day.  It has nothing to do with me. I shouldn’t take it personally. I should may be console him and make sure he feels better or if he likes to be left alone I will give him space . But I will ensure that I share with him how I felt and find out better ways of coping up and being respectful of each other when he is ok.

“Our Filter” covers all involved both of us in this case and is always the best way compared to the “Me filter” . Viewing the instance or a situation from this filter will sort out most issues .

Practise makes a man perfect so its important to start using the “our filter” every time we realise someones words or action is affecting us . Its ok to forget the filters but being aware and trying to use it later will help making this a way of thinking for us. Once we calm down this works even better . The more we are aware, the more we practise ,the more we learn. The more we detach, the more we are happy . So lets embark on this journey of filters, what say?